People can be so insensitive at times. I think that when people know you have gone through something traumatic in your life they are not sure what to say when they see you. I am not the best with words, but I know that if you tell someone you are sorry to hear about what they have gone through it goes a long way. Never ever try to tell someone you know how they feel unless you have gone through the exact same situation. Saying "I'm sorry about what you have gone through" should be all you need to say. Unfortunately, some people are too dumb to keep it simple like that.
My family and close friends have been nothing but supportive. I am so grateful to have all of them in my life. It's partly because of all of you that I'm doing as well as I am today. I really and truly am doing well. I just wanted to write this entry partly to vent about dumb things that have been said to me and partly to reiterate how thankful I am for those in my life who are truly supportive and caring.
Here is my compiled list of what NOT to say to someone going through infertility treatments or loss of a child. My sarcastic comments are in blue.
- "Wow, you lost all that baby weight really fast." (this was said to me about a month after I had Braelyn) This was said to me from a guy I work with who was rubbing his stomach as he spoke these words. Yeah, no shit I lost all that baby weight...my daughter only weighed one pound remember?
- "Just relax. If you chill out you will be able to conceive faster." I wish relaxation was the key to conceiving. It'd be a hell of a lot cheaper.
- "Take a vacation. That'll help." This would also be a cheaper option, if it WORKED!
- "If you conceive through IVF the first time then next time you can get pregnant naturally because your body will just know what to do." Um...thanks doctor!
- "If you adopt a child I bet you'll get pregnant on your own right away." Yeah, because it makes sense to do it that way.
- "You are still so young, you have plenty of time. No need to rush it." I'm 28...maybe you consider that young. Regardless, maybe I want kids now and am not rushing into anything.
- "How is your family planning going?" I wanted so badly to respond, "oh it's going great, we try every 5 hours." Come on people, if I'm not friends with you, don't ask about my sex life.
- "Don't worry, someday you'll have kids and want to kill them like everyone else." Well pretty sure this is the number one thing you shouldn't say to someone who had to remove their child from life support. Dumb ass!
- "I know exactly how you feel." Oh do you? Bet you don't.
- Do not complain about your children and tell me I'm lucky not to have any. I would give anything to have a child here on earth with me. And I'm going to cherish every moment with my child. They will never be a burden to me. Maybe you need to quit being so lazy and try to be a good parent. Then maybe your kids wouldn't annoy you so much.
- Do not complain about being pregnant around me like it's the worst thing that could have happened to you. Try laying upside down for 5 days, doped up on meds that feel like the worst case of the flu, not showering, being scared every minute for the health of your baby. Now is walking around with a little extra weight and swollen feet really that bad?
Sorry if my venting offended you at all. That was not my intention. I just think people should think before they speak. I don't think people intend to offend me with their comments, but I'm really not sure how else to take them. THINK PEOPLE! It's really not that hard to do. I don't pretend to know exactly how you feel in all of your life circumstances, so don't try to act like you know how I feel. Thank you! That is all.
