This year there will be an empty chair in the Kindergarten classroom. School supplies left unpurchased. No new backpack hanging on the hook, or new shoes left haphazardly by the door after school. No "1st Day of School" pictures to take. No lunches to pack. No buses to catch. No homework to do in the evenings. No report cards to praise. No extracurricular activities to sign up for. No new friends coming over to our house to play. No school pictures to hang on the walls. No sounds of a little girls laughter or excitement to share about her day at our dinner table each evening.
Each passing year has been hard in it's own way since losing Braelyn. But this is the year that I've been anxious about. This is the year she would have gone to Kindergarten. That moment where as a parent you are both excited beyond belief for your kiddo, but at the same time nervous - will they make friends, will they be okay all day at a new place, will they figure out how to get on the right bus in the afternoon, will they like their teacher, will they be excited to learn... This is a HUGE milestone for every child! This is the year where they are not a baby anymore. This is the year you learn to trust a building full of people you don't know with your most precious gift. But our house will go on as if it's just another regular day. Nothing changes this year for us like it should have.
I know that I am one of the lucky ones. I've battled and won against the monster of infertility. I've battled and came out broken, but alive, from child loss. I finally have two boys in my house that fill my days with laughter, love, and sometimes a touch of insanity too. But there is always still something missing. It's been almost 6 years since she made her brief appearance - but I often wonder what our family would be like with her as a living part of it.
This year, when you send your babies off to school, do me a favor - remember mine. Remember that she would have gone to school this year too and we would have been so excited about this new phase of life. Remember her as you shop for school supplies, new clothes, shoes, and backpacks. Kiss those big kids of yours one extra time for me as you drop them off on the first day at the door of their school, or before you watch them climb the steps onto the bus. Enjoy each moment that this school year has to bring if you can. I know it'll be hard and I know you will have moments where you are frustrated and just plain stressed out. But you get to experience this with your child - and that's all that really matters! Remember how incredibly blessed we all are in this journey of life.
Each year we choose to do something that helps others around us in Braelyn's honor. This year since she would have gone to Kindergarten, we thought it would be fitting to collect school supplies that we can donate to Hudson Elementary School - where she would have been enrolled. If we collect an over abundance of supplies, we'll spread the love to other schools as well. I've researched what types of supplies the school would like to have and I put together an Amazon Wish List (it seemed to work really well last year with the book drive). We will plan to start our collection now, since it's the best time of year to shop for school supplies, and we will deliver our gifts to the school(s) on her birthday in October.
Here are your options for donating if you wish:
- Amazon Wish List (can ship directly to me): Braelyn School List 2016
- Shop at any store around you and I'll pick up your donation from you.
- Teachers are always appreciative of gift cards from the following: Amazon, Target, Walmart
- If you want to send money to me, I'd be happy to shop for you.
Thank you again for your support over the years. We love all of you and are so thankful to have people in our lives who have helped us make it through each year. It feels so good to do nice things for others, and with your help each year we can make a lasting impact to those near and far. We LOVE you all!!
