Cole turned 1 on December 21, 2012, and soon after his birthday Matt and I began to talk about having another baby. We assumed after all we had gone through to have Cole we would have to embark on the IVF road once again to have another baby. After going through the past few years under a lot of stress, taking so many medications, spending a ton of money, and having a complicated pregnancy, I was not sure I wanted to go back through IVF again. Matt is awesome and did not put any pressure on me at all to go back through another cycle if I didn't want to. He said he would love to have a sibling for Cole, but he wanted to leave the decision up to me. I told him I really didn't want to do IVF again. Partly because of the stress on my body and partly because our health insurance had changed and we would now have to pay out of pocket for all expenses with no guarantee we would have a baby at the end of the process. Trust me when I say I completely understand you cannot put a price on your child and I'd pay a billion dollars to have my two boys all over again, but the logical side of my brain was saying that we could use the money we had saved to raise Cole and not on a procedure with no guarantees. We decided that if I got pregnant on my own (HAHAHAHA) we would be thrilled but we would not undergo medical treatment to get pregnant again. I can't even explain the sense of relief that immediately came over me with this decision. I realized at that moment exactly how stressful the last few years had really been on me and how much I was working to keep it all together. I felt so relaxed and for the first time in a long time I really truly felt like I could just move forward and enjoy all that life was going to bring my way.
Less than 2 weeks after we had that talk, I started to feel different physically. I was falling asleep on the couch at 8 p.m. at night. That was so unlike me. It happened several nights and I did have the thought wondering if I was pregnant, but then quickly pushed it out of my head. I thought briefly about taking a pregnancy test, but then I thought it was just cruel to myself because I knew it would not be positive and I'd just be getting my hopes up. I had a nagging feeling that I was pregnant for well over a week before I ended up taking a home pregnancy test. One morning after Matt left for work I decided to take one. The date was January 17, 2013. The home pregnancy tests tell you to wait a few minutes before you look at them, but the first one I took turned positive immediately. I could not even believe it. I waited about an hour and took another one...like it was going to change or something. It was also immediately positive. I called my doctors office and went in to see what they said. They confirmed I was pregnant! I even got to see Clay on the ultrasound machine...and he was measuring about 4 weeks. I was just so shocked when I left their office. After all of the medical interventions we had been through to have Braelyn and Cole, here I was naturally pregnant. I couldn't get the smile off of my face. When Matt came home for lunch I told him we were going to have to cancel our vacation that was planned for September 2013. He was really confused as to why I was canceling our trip that we were super excited about. I told him it was because we were going to have a baby in September instead. He did not believe me at first, but once it sunk in, he was thrilled as well!
My pregnancy went fairly smooth through the first trimester and well into the second. I got a cerclage at 9 weeks again this pregnancy to keep my cervix in check. At 19 weeks I contracted some virus from Cole (I'll spare you the details b/c it's not pretty), and we noticed that my cervix was really starting to funnel open. I was put on couch rest and for the next two weeks I only got off the couch to go to the bathroom and to go to bed. It was miserable because I couldn't do anything with Cole. I had to rely solely on Matt to get everything done and I know he was stressed. I am so grateful to him for taking awesome care of his family. The funneling finally closed up and for the rest of my pregnancy I was on couch rest, but not as strict as those two weeks. It was much more difficult to sit this time around because I felt like I was missing out on being Cole's mom. The good thing is that he was so little he won't remember this. I was willing to do anything I needed to in order to get Clay here safely. I found out later that if I had not gotten a cerclage I would have most likely delivered Clay at 19/20 weeks, and as we sadly know, that would not have been far enough along for him to survive. I'm telling you folks, I have two little miracle boys for sure.
We found out on April 24 that Clay was a boy. I was so thrilled because with the two kids being so close in age I immediately was thinking of all of the fun things they will do together and the bond they will form.
I got my cerclage cut at 37 weeks, just like I did when I was pregnant with Cole. I figured Clay would stay put just like his older brother now that he had the freedom to be born whenever he was ready. I forgot to mention, that for pretty much my entire pregnancy Clay had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, sometimes it was wrapped twice around. I trusted my doctors and didn't stress too much about it, but it did make me a little nervous. At 39 weeks we decided it was time for Clay to be born because of his cord issues. I went in to be induced at the hospital at midnight on 9/17. I was so excited to meet Clay I could hardly stand the wait. My labor progressed just fine and by 8:30 a.m. my doctor came by and broke my water to get things moving along even faster. At that point I was dilated to 5 cm. They checked me again at 9:30 and I was to 6 cm. At about 10:25 I called my nurse in and told her I felt like I was going to start pushing. She kind of laughed and said okay, I'll check you again but only about 45 minutes ago you were only a 6. Not too long after she was saying she could see his head and for me to not move until she could get my doctor there. From there it went so quickly. They were a little worried because his heart rate dropped into the 90's for about 10 minutes and we knew the cord was still around his neck. At that point my doctor just wanted him out and we didn't mess around. Once he made that decision Clay was out in about a minute. It was a little bit scary, but I felt at ease because I truly trusted my doctor and my NP who also came over for the birth. When he came out sure enough, he did have the cord around his neck. I'm so grateful that he was safe and healthy because I know of other stories where the outcome is not like Clay's.
In the past few years we have been through significant struggles to have a family. Infertility and the loss of a child takes a toll on relationships and I'm so thankful that Matt and I have survived the odds. I am so happy to have him by my side as we went on this journey to find our family. Cole is an awesome big brother and son. And Clay just completes our family. He fits right in as if he was always here. Both of my boys are true miracles in my eyes and I will not take any time we have together for granted. I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds for all 4 of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment