Thankful!

Well, Thanksgiving is upon us again. This year has just flown by in my opinion.  I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have been blessed beyond measure. 

Just three years ago on Thanksgiving I was at a place darn near rock bottom.  My daughter had just been born and died and we also lost my grandma who I was very close to right before Thanksgiving. Looking back to Thanksgiving of 2010 I must have been just going through the motions because honestly I don't even remember much of that day. 

I'm in a much different place mentally this year. I have Cole and also my best surprise of 2013, Clay. Today I am surrounded by family, those I love so dearly. I can't help but to think that life just simply could not get any better. 

I am thankful for a lot this year, but what really matters to me is the people. 

I am thankful for:

Matt:  I am so lucky to have Matt in my life.  I'm very proud of how hard he works to support our family. He brings lots of humor into our house and also lots of noise!  Him and Cole have the best time together.   The boys are so fortunate to have a father who truly wants to be involved in their lives and watch them grow and learn. I love how he always makes me breakfast because he knows I won't eat much if he doesn't. I love how he supports me in all I do. 

Cole and Clay:  These two boys are my life. I love them beyond measure.  They have helped fill a deep void I felt for years. I love Cole's giggles and how he is finding his voice. He constantly makes me laugh. He is so smart and I pray he will go so far in life. His future is bright.  I love my baby Clay. He was never planned for, but he has been the biggest and best surprise of my life.  I can't picture this lifetime without him. His smiles and coo's melt my heart every day.  I will always strive to be a better person and role model every day for the rest of my life because of them. 

Mom and Dad:   It is hard to summarize why I love these two people so much. They are not only role models but inspirational people in my life. My mom is amazing. She always makes sure we feel special and loved (even though I'm 31 it's never changed).  She goes out of her way to be there for us in any way we need.  She is giving and kind hearted. My dad is the hardest worker I know.  He has integrity with all he does.  He treats people with respect and I admire the fact that he also goes out of his way to help others who need it.  I love his sense of humor too.  He is always there to talk when I need to.  And the best part, these two are grandparents to my boys. I only hope they have just as many memories as I do with my grandma to reflect back on one day. 

My sister:  Kate is my best friend (well so is my mom-- it's ok to have two best friends, right?).  I love how we talk all of the time. I love being mom's at the same time in the same stage of things. We can always talk to each other about our babies. I love watching her be a mom. She's one of the best moms I know. I love her babies just as much too!  Kamden and Kinley are such blessings in my life too. I am blessed to have gotten a niece and nephew in the same year. I love that my kids will have cousins their age to grow up with. And I also love my brother in law. He's an awesome husband to my sister and an awesome dad to the twins. Kate picked a pretty special guy to join our family!  

My brother:  I am thankful that my brother finally proposed to his girlfriend and that I'm getting another sister. I can't wait to make more memories with these two. My brothers sense of humor was missed while he was living in Arizona. I'm so glad he is back this year to celebrate with us.  I love watching him love on his niece and nephews. I'm looking forward to watching his life enrich in the next year and anxious to see what the future has in store. 

There is so much more to be thankful for but I wanted to capture the moments of the people I am spending Thanksgiving with this year.  After all, things in our lives change, but family should always be held close. 

Happy Thanksgiving all!  Much love. 

Clay's Story

I finally posted a page dedicated to Clay and his story, same as I did for my other two kiddos.  You can find it above in the tab called "Clay's Corner" or you can click on this link:  http://therollercoasterwecalllife.blogspot.com/p/clays-corner.html

Hope you enjoy reading about my little sweetie!  Can't believe he is 8 weeks old today!

Capture Your Grief- Days 22-31

Day 22:  Words

I truly believe a person is a person at conception.  Miscarriages, stillborns, and premature babies who are born alive and pass away soon after are all people.  Please keep this in mind as you talk to parents who have lost a child.


Day 23:  Jewelry

I love this necklace that represents ALL of my children.


Day 24: Artwork

This is a shadowbox we made that contains many memories of Braelyn.  It hangs on the wall in our bedroom so we see a little piece of her each day.


Day 25:  Say It Out Loud

Something that I would say out loud to others going through this experience is:  Don't forget that just because you carry your baby in your heart and not in your arms, you are still a mom.  And you always will be.  Cherish that thought.


Day 26: Community

This baby loss community has become somewhat of a family to me.  I've met people from across the country who I've been able to connect with.  People who understand what I've been through.  People who accept my "style" of grief for what it is because everyone grieves differently and that's okay.  I would never wish for anyone to go through infertility or the loss of a child, but it has been touching to me that people who I don't even know have reached out to me in a time of need.  And I've tried to pay it forward to others by doing the same.


Day 27:  Signs

This butterfly bush was a gift to me to keep in my yard as a reminder of Braelyn.  It's so beautiful!  I love when it blooms each year and attracts all types of butterflies.  Whenever I see a Monarch butterfly it reminds me of Braelyn.


Day 28:  Special Place

Lake Evergreen.  It's even a beautiful place in wintertime.  This picture was taken on January 29, 2011...Braelyn's due date.


Day 29:  Healing

These two sweet boys have had the biggest impact in my healing process.  I know that not everyone is lucky enough after losing a child to go on and have another.  And I also recognize that one child absolutely does not replace another.  However, these boys have given me a huge sense of purpose in this world.  Without a doubt, Braelyn gave me the gift of being a much better mom because I really don't take anything for granted with these two.


Day 30:  Growth

I believe I have grown tremendously through the past 3 years since Braelyn died.  I could list many ways, but one of the most important things I've learned is that it's okay to laugh again and have fun.  I will always have a special place for Braelyn in my heart, but I have to continue on in this journey called life.  I felt guilty at first when I had happy moments after she died, but I quickly realized that she wouldn't want me to give up and be sad forever.  I am thankful to have moments of good in my life.


Day 31: Sunset

This has been a great project to work on for the month of October.  It's made me think about a lot of things and it's been very healing as well.  I hope you have enjoyed my pictures and also gotten some insight into my thoughts and feelings.

www.carlymarieprojectheal.com