All Mom's Work...Some Just Do It Outside Of The House

My maternity leave is quickly coming to an end.  Actually, it was supposed to be over this past Monday, but I took one more week off when Cole got sick.  I want to send him off to daycare feeling great for the first time.  So, next Monday, March 5, I will march my butt back into work for the first time in 30 weeks.  Yes, you read that right...it's been 30 weeks since I started working from home when I was pregnant.  I just want to say that I am so blessed to have a job that allowed me to do that.  I know that I am a hard worker and dedicated employee so I was trusted to work that way, but nonetheless, it makes me feel great that I could keep getting paid while growing my baby!  

I am not going to lie, I have had thoughts these last few weeks about being a stay at home mom.  I have even crunched the numbers a few times.  Matt and I could probably afford for me to stay home, but we would have to make some serious lifestyle adjustments.  I wonder if all working mom's who are on maternity leave have thoughts about staying home?  I never pictured myself to be the stay-at-home mom type...that is until I met my sweet little Cole.  I have literally been with him 24/7 since the day of his birth and I just can't imagine my days spent away from him.  I feel like I'm going to miss his smiles and noises and feeling him in my arms...and yes, even changing his diapers is something I will miss.  

We have an awesome babysitter lined up and I couldn't be more excited for Cole to be a part of the Kim's Kare family.  They are all so happy about him being there and all of the kids already have met him and love him.  I know that I will not worry about his well being while I'm at work.  I'll just miss him.  He will learn so much about playing and sharing with other kids and he will certainly have friends that he will get to see each day.  He'll do art projects and enjoy field trips when he gets a bit older.  If I can't be with him every day this is no doubt the best place in my eyes for him to be.  

My mom stayed at home with us while we were growing up.  And I know that her and my dad made a lot of sacrifices for her to be able to do that.  We were so lucky to have her home each and every day.  I know now that I am a mommy and thinking about leaving my baby I am realizing even more how great of a mom I have.  When I look back on my childhood I have nothing but really good memories.  I can picture the days in the summertime when we could sleep in because my mom didn't have to get up and leave to go to work, I can picture playing outside in our backyard all day, I can picture going to the library, I can picture riding our bikes around out in the country, I can picture eating good food for dinner that my mom prepared all day.  My mom's life revolved around us kids and taking us places and caring for us.  I'd say she did a pretty good job of it too!  

Now I don't think that stay-at-home mom's are better or worse than working mom's.  I think that it's just a matter of what works for each family.  For us, aside from the nice paycheck every other week, I actually do like working.  I have worked really hard in the past 6 years at State Farm to get to the level I am at.  I enjoy getting out every day and seeing my friends.  I enjoy the challenge that my job brings.  I am sure once I get back to work and get into a routine I'll be just fine with taking Cole to daycare.  It's just going to be a slow adjustment.  I think I'm making the right decision for our family by going back to work.  I hope that it becomes even more clear to me that it's the right choice in the next few months/years.   I really do admire both working and stat-at-home moms!  Neither one is an easy job! 

Now Cole, promise your mama that you will not let me miss your first time rolling over, or walking, or talking!  You have to save those special moments for me!  You can impress them at daycare after mama sees it happen.  

Joe Cool

Cole Baby is 2 Months Old

A few days late on my post due to a sick baby...(sick babies take a lot of time), but Cole Man turned 2 months old on Tuesday 2/21.  Where is the time going??  I love him more and more every day.  So far in the last month he has started smiling and cooing at us.  He is also noticing his hands are attached and trying to get them into his mouth.  He is such a joy to be around.  Even though he has been sick he keeps on smiling for the most part.  And he's pretty cute too!

Compare these to his 1 month shots...he has definitely grown!  

Million $ Baby Continues...

Matt and I always joke that Cole is the million dollar baby.  We went through a lot of infertility treatments to get pregnant with him, then I had several doctors appointments and sonograms while I was pregnant, also had the cerclage done, and then after he was born he has had a few medical procedures for his kidneys.  Thank God for health insurance!!  He is worth every penny that it would have cost to get him here, but it's so nice to not have to be drowning in medical bills now that he is here.

The medical saga continued over the weekend.  Our little guy started spitting up a lot last week and it had mucous in it.  I didn't think too much of it because he was still very happy and acting healthy otherwise.  I planned to just ask his doctor on the 21st at his 2 month check up.  However, on Friday he started to have this really nasty cough.  I could tell it was coming from his chest and it also sounded mucousy.  I knew that something was just not right.  I called his pediatricians office on Friday night and they said there wasn't much they could do for him right then, but if I still felt like he needed to be seen I could call their office on Saturday morning and make an appointment.  He slept pretty good on Friday night, but woke himself up a few times coughing.  I called first thing on Saturday morning and they said they could see him at 8:30.  Once we got there they checked him out and did a test for RSV.  He tested positive.  RSV is a respiratory virus that can be deadly in infants if not treated.  Their airways are so tiny they have a hard time being able to catch their breath.  They said it looked as if we caught his early enough that he would be okay.  But to be on the safe side, they admitted us at Bromenn for 24 hour observance.  Not what we expected to do with our weekend, but I would sit in the hospital for a week if it meant that my little guy was being well taken care of.  (Side note:  My baby now weighs 10 lb 13 oz and is 22 inches long...growing like a weed)

Breathing Treatment @ Bromenn

Help me feel better mama!

While we were at the hospital they did breathing treatments with a nebulizer every 4 hours and they also gave him a few doses of a steroid.  It seemed like after each breathing treatment he felt a little bit better.  It was a very long night...  Matt and I traded off sitting in the "recliner" holding him upright so he could breathe easier.  While one of us was doing that, the other was trying to catch a few hours of sleep in the hospital bed in the room.  Not comfortable.  Plus the fact that the temperature of the room went from inferno to ice cold and then back and forth.  There was no comfortable temperature.  One minute we were bundling up and the next stripping down b/c we were sweating.  They monitored his oxygen levels and his heart rate all night.  Both were fine all night.  It was reassuring to us to be able to see the numbers on the monitors and know that he was not in danger.  However, his coughing stuck around and he has a lot of mucous drainage down the back of his throat that he is choking on.  Poor guy!!  This past week I had a terrible cold that turned into a sinus infection and I know I felt terrible, so I can't imagine how Cole feels.

All of the nurses loved his little smiles

They sent us home from the hospital around noon on Sunday and we kept a close eye on him all afternoon/evening.  He seemed to be doing fine.  Then I got up around 3 a.m. to feed him and he couldn't catch his breath.  He was wheezing really hard and had labored breathing.  We took him to the Emergency Room because it was pretty scary to watch.  Once we got there they told us we did the right thing by bringing him there.  They gave him another breathing treatment and steroids and sent us home by 6 a.m.  Then we went to see his pediatrician at 9 a.m.  He gave us a nebulizer to have at home and told us we could continue the treatments every 4 hours until Wednesday when we will go back to have him checked again.

Sleeping it off with daddy

It's been a scary and exhausting few days watching Cole be so sick.  I know that he will be okay, but no one likes to see their kid not feel well, especially at only 8 weeks old.  I would do anything to make it go away for him.  I was supposed to go back to work next Monday, but I have decided I will take one more week off.  I want to be with him until he is back to normal and I also don't want him to expose anyone at daycare to this nasty sickness.  Although Cole has not been feeling good he has been such a good baby.  He has been smiley and happy through most of the past few days.  I am so lucky to have him!  I love my little guy and hope in the next few days he will start to feel better.

Fun picture from the other day.  I am ready for my baby to be healthy again

To Infinity and Beyond...

My mom recently sent me an e-mail that contains the story below.  I really liked it and wanted to share with you.  It made me think about how we should all strive to be better people and trust in God's plan for our lives.  Not everything that happens to us is going to be pleasant, but those hard times can build your character and bring you closer to God.  I would like to think that as in the story below, my hardships (of losing a child and struggling with infertility), have given me a testimony that I can share with others to help them. 

I also like how the story talks about how the purpose of life is to prepare for eternity.  Recently, Matt and I listened to the book on tape called "Heaven Is For Real".  The book is about a four year old child that is having emergency surgery and slips from consciousness and enters heaven.  It's a true story of the child's recollection of what heaven is actually like.  In one part of this book the little boy tells his mother that he met his sister.  His mom was confused and he finally explained that he met his sister that had died in her tummy.  The mom had a miscarriage and the little boy was never told about it,  yet he was adamant that he met his sister in heaven.  The parents did not know the baby was a girl, so that was the first revelation that he shared with them.  Then he went on to tell them that she looked like a little girl and had dark hair.  He spoke to her as well.  He said that in heaven everyone is young, healthy, and happy.  During this part of the book Matt and I were nearly in tears thinking about some day we will get to see what Braelyn looks like.  If the purpose of life is to prepare for eternity, I'm okay with that.  I know there are a lot of ways that I can become better prepared.  I think writing this is a challenge to myself to focus more on that.  Because after all, everyone has loved ones they want to see again.  But I can't wait to see my daughter some day.  

I hope that when you read the piece below you are able to get something out of it like I did.  Thanks mom for sharing this with me! 

One of the best ways to answer when someone asks why GOD lets "bad" things happen to "good" people. Or why GOD doesn't always answer prayer in a way we think He should. Rick Warren was the keynote speaker at the Southern Baptist Convention in Phoenix two weeks ago.  You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales.  

This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California . In the interview by Paul Bradshaw, Rick said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life?

And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.

I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act -- the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys -- you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.  And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.

It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions?  Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt?  Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, "God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better."  

God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.

Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.

Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.

Painful moments, TRUST GOD.

Every moment, THANK GOD..

Kidney Update

Today was the big day when we went to Peoria for Cole's kidney appointment.  Let me first just say that last night the kid slept great!  That was a much needed start to a long day.  Matt has the stomach flu and was not able to go with us today, so I recruited my mom to help me carry stuff and listen to the doctors.  I'm so lucky to have her around to help and to love on baby Cole.  We headed out around 8:30 a.m. and drove through the dense fog all the way.  Once we got there we had to find the admitting area.  Funny how I spent 4 days at OSF St. Francis in 2010, but I had no idea how to get anywhere in the hospital.  I didn't come in through any doors, I came into the hospital on the roof!

The staff at OSF is so friendly!  Everyone we passed said hello or helped us find our way.  Once we got upstairs to the area where Cole would have his procedure we didn't really even have to wait in the waiting room.  The nurse came and got us right away and took us back to the x-ray room.  We had to put a gown on Cole and he was not thrilled about that.  But then the nurse brought out a warm blanket and we wrapped him up in it and he was so calm after that.  The x-ray test they did is called a VCUG.  Basically, they put in a catheter and then fill his bladder with fluid that has a dye in it that can be seen on the x-rays and they watch to see if the fluid backfills into the kidneys from the bladder. Cole did an awesome job the whole time.  He was so laid back and cooperative for the entire procedure.  It only took about 15-20 minutes total.  The nurses were super nice and they were very reassuring to me during the times when he was crying.  They walked us through each step of the procedure.  After the x-rays were done, the doctor told us that he saw some reflux (fluid backing up) in the right kidney but he didn't see any on the left.  It seemed like very good news to me...

After we left OSF we had to go to see Cole's Pediatric Urologist at his office.  I really liked his doctor when we met him.  He seems like the perfect person to work with children.  Side note: we did find out today that Cole weighs 10 lb 7 oz and is 21.5 inches long!  The boy has grown a ton since his last weight check.  Anyway...  his doctor told us that he does have reflux in the right kidney, but that he also is not super worried about it.  It's common for boys and it usually cures itself.  He said he would not see Cole back for one year to check on it again.  That was the good news.  The not so good news is that the doctor thinks that his left kidney is partially blocked.  He said he looks at blockages on a scale from 1-10.  He would need to start thinking about surgery to fix it at a 7 or 8.  But Cole is at about a 4 on his scale.  The blockage could be a result of some of the "parts" of the kidney not being together right, but it could also correct itself as he grows.

Our next steps are to go back in 6 weeks to have an ultrasound and then meet with the doctor again.  We will reassess after the ultrasound to see if things have improved, worsened, or to just figure out a plan.  I do feel like we are in good hands with the doctor we chose, so that is comforting.  I just can't get over what an angel Cole was all day with people poking and prodding him.  He really is such a sweetheart!

I'm choosing not to worry right now too much.  As Matt and I like to say, "it is what it is".  We can't change the fact that he has some problems.  We will just continue to look into them and do all of the testing that we need to do in order to make sure he is okay.  We will be great advocates for his care the entire time.  He is such a special little boy and this is just a part of his journey through life.  Hopefully it's just a tiny little hiccup and we will be able to put it all behind us very quickly.

In a way I feel like it's not fair for Cole to have anything wrong with him.  I already had a child that had everything wrong with her.  But I know that God has a plan for us all and I need to trust that it is a good plan for us.  I know that because I dealt with all of Braelyn's issues I can get through all of this.  I also know it could be worse, but I still don't want anything to be wrong with my little man.

I'll keep you all updated after our next appointment in March.  Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, as always!