But, their hearts are a bit more protected from the sting of death since they came after her. They are sheltered from the grief that I felt so intensely after Braelyn died. They have received a new kind of love from their mom, one that could only be formed after the death of a child who came before them.
I've really struggled with knowing what to say to Cole (and someday when he understands more, Clay too) about his sister. I decided that being open and honest will probably serve best in this situation. I've been telling Cole for quite some time that he has a sister and that she died and lives in Heaven with Jesus. He knows her name and frequently speaks of her. We have a blanket that Braelyn was wrapped up in as we held her when she passed away. Cole now sleeps with his sisters blanket and he knows it's special.
Just last week he told me on the car ride home from daycare that he was going to go to Heaven on Saturday to play tractors with Braelyn because he thinks she will like that. My first thought was oh I hope he's not going to Heaven anytime soon because I couldn't bear to lose him. But that thought was quickly followed by a sense of peace that he's already starting to grasp the concept of Heaven and also that he "knows" his sister.
I have shown Cole pictures of Braelyn. At first I was uncomfortable thinking about showing them to him because she was very tiny and hooked up to a lot of machines. Not your typical baby picture. I worried that maybe seeing the pictures would be too much for him. But ultimately I decided that it may make it more real to him to see a physical picture of his sister. He always tells me that when he sees Braelyn he will hold her and not drop her because she is a tiny baby. He sometimes asks to see more pictures of her and I always show him when he asks. It helps to open up the conversation for us.
A few weeks ago our sitter had to put her cat to sleep. This cat was about 17 years old I think, and the boys loved him (even though I'm not too sure the cat had a mutual feeling)! Obviously our sitter loved this dear cat and was very sad the day she had to have him put to sleep. Cole and I talked about how this cat died but how he was in Heaven and it was a wonderful time for the cat, even though the people on Earth were sad. A few days after this, Cole was at daycare and his sitter was explaining to another kid about how her cat had died and she was very sad. Cole listened to the entire conversation and then gently put his hand on our sitters leg and told her that it was okay because his sister, Braelyn was taking care of him. Makes me tear up just thinking about that sweet little boys heart and how he really is understanding what we talk about.
There is definitely no protocol on how you are supposed to go about teaching your kids about death, Heaven, big sisters who they've never met, or angels. But based on some of the conversations I've been having with Cole over the last few weeks I can see that he's beginning to understand. He's listening and taking it all in. My hope is that someday he can feel his sisters presence in his life and become a better person because of it. I do pray that someday we are all joined together as a big happy family in Heaven.
Have you had to talk to your kids about losing a sibling or another close family member? What did you find to be beneficial in doing so? I would love to find a book about Heaven that a 3 year old could understand and read it to him, but I haven't found one I love yet. Any suggestions?
This is a picture that Cole drew for me and he said its him holding Braelyn :o)
