Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
National Infertility Awareness Week
On this day, one year ago, I got some awesome news! I found out that I was expecting again. That day my world seemed to get a little bit better. After losing our precious baby and facing the infertility battle once again I wasn't sure I would ever hear those words again. I was already so in love with the precious little embryo that was beginning to grow. Today, a year later, I can't even describe the amount of love that I have for my sweet baby boy. I truly feel like my life was incomplete before I had him. I'm so blessed. God is good and he has given me the best gift possible.
Appropriately, this week is National Infertility Awareness week. After thousands of dollars spent on medication and procedures, a few IUI's, 3 IVF's, the loss of a baby girl, and a complicated and high-risk pregnancy, all over the last 3 years, we were finally blessed with Cole. The Hell we lived through pales in comparison to the joy our hearts are now filled with. But the long, and painful journey to have a baby is being experienced by so many others. I feel that I was chosen to survive the infertility journey so that I could be a positive advocate for others going through the same things. It's a lonely world and many times it's taboo to talk about what you are feeling. I want society to realize that it's not our fault that we can't conceive naturally. Don't judge us either! It's not like we lived an alternative lifestyle that resulted in us not being able to have a child. We are not diseased and filthy. We did not choose this, nor would we wish it on our worse enemy. And, we should not have to be quiet throughout the process.
If you have a few minutes, take a look at the links below. Infertility happens to more people than you would think. About 7.3 million people, or 1 in 8 couples experience some type of hardship in trying to have a baby. Also, so many couples that face the physical complications of getting pregnant are also forced to face heavy financial implications. Infertility treatment is very expensive. Only a handful of states have mandated that insurance companies help pay (and yes, I said help...not fully cover) for treatment. Luckily, I live in IL and I had wonderful insurance. But, we still paid several thousand dollars when it was all said and done. For young couples, the financial costs are daunting. It's not like we'd ever say any amount of money was worth more than having a child, but it's so scary to think how much debt you can accumulate during the process.
Most people think they don't know anyone going through infertility treatments, but I think if people talked about it more everyone would be surprised to find out that they probably do know someone in that position. I'm asking that you take time to educate yourself about this important topic. Your education about the subject can mean the world to someone who is encountering this difficult time in their life. If you know someone who is being treated and you are not sure how to talk to them or what to say, feel free to ask me. I am a pretty open book and I would be happy to help you talk to your friend/family member in a non-offensive and supportive way.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post today. This is a topic that I will always feel passionate about. After all, how else do you think I was able to hold my precious little Cole in my arms this morning and melt when he smiled at me?
http://tearsandhope.com/
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html
Appropriately, this week is National Infertility Awareness week. After thousands of dollars spent on medication and procedures, a few IUI's, 3 IVF's, the loss of a baby girl, and a complicated and high-risk pregnancy, all over the last 3 years, we were finally blessed with Cole. The Hell we lived through pales in comparison to the joy our hearts are now filled with. But the long, and painful journey to have a baby is being experienced by so many others. I feel that I was chosen to survive the infertility journey so that I could be a positive advocate for others going through the same things. It's a lonely world and many times it's taboo to talk about what you are feeling. I want society to realize that it's not our fault that we can't conceive naturally. Don't judge us either! It's not like we lived an alternative lifestyle that resulted in us not being able to have a child. We are not diseased and filthy. We did not choose this, nor would we wish it on our worse enemy. And, we should not have to be quiet throughout the process.
If you have a few minutes, take a look at the links below. Infertility happens to more people than you would think. About 7.3 million people, or 1 in 8 couples experience some type of hardship in trying to have a baby. Also, so many couples that face the physical complications of getting pregnant are also forced to face heavy financial implications. Infertility treatment is very expensive. Only a handful of states have mandated that insurance companies help pay (and yes, I said help...not fully cover) for treatment. Luckily, I live in IL and I had wonderful insurance. But, we still paid several thousand dollars when it was all said and done. For young couples, the financial costs are daunting. It's not like we'd ever say any amount of money was worth more than having a child, but it's so scary to think how much debt you can accumulate during the process.
Most people think they don't know anyone going through infertility treatments, but I think if people talked about it more everyone would be surprised to find out that they probably do know someone in that position. I'm asking that you take time to educate yourself about this important topic. Your education about the subject can mean the world to someone who is encountering this difficult time in their life. If you know someone who is being treated and you are not sure how to talk to them or what to say, feel free to ask me. I am a pretty open book and I would be happy to help you talk to your friend/family member in a non-offensive and supportive way.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post today. This is a topic that I will always feel passionate about. After all, how else do you think I was able to hold my precious little Cole in my arms this morning and melt when he smiled at me?
http://tearsandhope.com/
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Bed Time Yet?
My day has seemed like one long run-on sentence!
Get up, shower, get dressed, pack bags for the day, eat breakfast, get baby up and ready (change his outfit 3 times...), take baby to daycare, drive to work, meetings all morning and walking to medical to pump three times, come home at lunch to check on hubs and fix him lunch since he just had wrist surgery, more meetings all afternoon, leave work late, pick up baby, run an errand for hubby, get home, wash all pump supplies, unpack bags from the day, get bottles ready for tomorrow, mow the lawn, take care of baby, check on hubs, eat dinner.
Is it time for bed yet??
Get up, shower, get dressed, pack bags for the day, eat breakfast, get baby up and ready (change his outfit 3 times...), take baby to daycare, drive to work, meetings all morning and walking to medical to pump three times, come home at lunch to check on hubs and fix him lunch since he just had wrist surgery, more meetings all afternoon, leave work late, pick up baby, run an errand for hubby, get home, wash all pump supplies, unpack bags from the day, get bottles ready for tomorrow, mow the lawn, take care of baby, check on hubs, eat dinner.
Is it time for bed yet??
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sleep Baby Sleep
I'm pretty sure Cole is the world's worst sleeper! This mama is exhausted!! I have not had more than 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep in almost 4 months (even longer if you count the time I was as big as a whale and couldn't get comfy). I feel like I'm holding it together pretty well for being so tired all of the time. But some days I wonder how I even made it to work with my hair done and make-up on...let alone drove there. I swear some days I park in the parking garage and I don't remember even driving...that can't be good, can it?
I'm seriously convinced that Cole hates to sleep. He chooses to only take catnaps...maybe a 30 min stretch if we are lucky. And he does not go down to bed easy either. Just this week he has started screaming and shrieking when I put him down. He continues it until I go back in and he can see me. Then he just grins from ear to ear. As frustrating as it is that he will not go to sleep, I love the fact that as soon as he sees me he knows he can smile and melt my heart. That little stinker!
He has a lullaby music that we play for him each time we put him to bed. The funny thing is that sometimes at work I catch myself humming it and wishing I could take a nap. I think the music affects me way more than it does him. He has gotten good at drowning it out with his screams.
He is finally sleeping right now...so I think I'd better take advantage and go and get my 45 min of sleep before the kid wants to eat again. :o) Are there any other tired mama's out there? Any advice on how to get the little ones to like sleep better? I'm not a big fan of the cry-it-out method though. Not judging anyone who does it, it's just not for me!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
One Year Ago...
...my baby boy came into existence!
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| On 4/10 we had the egg retrieval and fertilization was done (even though the picture was taken on 4/15) |
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Dear Braelyn...
Dear Braelyn,
Today you would be 18 months old. Wow! The last year and a half have somehow managed to be both the fastest and slowest months of my life. We miss you every single day, but we are still finding lots of happiness in life. Your life and death taught us many valuable lessons.
I wonder what you would be like today if you had survived. Would you be suffering with many developmental delays, or would you have overcome them to be a fairly normal 18 month old? Would you be saying any words? Or crawling or walking? After seeing how smiley your little brother is, I wonder what your smile would have looked like. Would we be feeling sad for you every day that you couldn't be like other children? Or would we be rejoicing that you were passing milestones that the doctors said you would never make? We will never know...but I think God knew you would have a hard life if you had lived. I think he didn't want to see you suffer so he took you to the best place anyone could ever be. I'm grateful for that.
We are having so much fun with Cole. He makes us think about you though. But it's because of you we love him even more than we might have without knowing you. We are more protective of him because we know how fragile life can be. We slow down to take the time to interact with him because we only had 12 short hours with you. You taught us how quick life can change without warning. That we should cherish every single second of every day with our loved ones. I will be forever thankful that you came into my life. I would like to think I would have been a good mommy without ever knowing you, but I think you helped me to realize exactly the type of mom I want and need to be for Cole. I hope someday he see's how lucky he is that we had you first.
It's so fun for us to watch Cole change every day, but it's hard to realize we won't ever have that same experience with you. Last night something ironic happened. I was listening to Pandora and Cole was sleeping. I know he was sleeping pretty sound because I was doing things in the same room as him and I wasn't being overly quiet. The song "If I Die Young" came on and at the same moment Cole woke up crying. As soon as the song was over he was calm and sleepy again. I can't help but to wonder if he somehow senses you. I hope that he does!
Thank you for teaching me how to be a great mommy to Cole. I'm forever indebted to you for that. We were so blessed to have loved you first, sweet little girl!
Love, Mommy
Today you would be 18 months old. Wow! The last year and a half have somehow managed to be both the fastest and slowest months of my life. We miss you every single day, but we are still finding lots of happiness in life. Your life and death taught us many valuable lessons.
I wonder what you would be like today if you had survived. Would you be suffering with many developmental delays, or would you have overcome them to be a fairly normal 18 month old? Would you be saying any words? Or crawling or walking? After seeing how smiley your little brother is, I wonder what your smile would have looked like. Would we be feeling sad for you every day that you couldn't be like other children? Or would we be rejoicing that you were passing milestones that the doctors said you would never make? We will never know...but I think God knew you would have a hard life if you had lived. I think he didn't want to see you suffer so he took you to the best place anyone could ever be. I'm grateful for that.
We are having so much fun with Cole. He makes us think about you though. But it's because of you we love him even more than we might have without knowing you. We are more protective of him because we know how fragile life can be. We slow down to take the time to interact with him because we only had 12 short hours with you. You taught us how quick life can change without warning. That we should cherish every single second of every day with our loved ones. I will be forever thankful that you came into my life. I would like to think I would have been a good mommy without ever knowing you, but I think you helped me to realize exactly the type of mom I want and need to be for Cole. I hope someday he see's how lucky he is that we had you first.
It's so fun for us to watch Cole change every day, but it's hard to realize we won't ever have that same experience with you. Last night something ironic happened. I was listening to Pandora and Cole was sleeping. I know he was sleeping pretty sound because I was doing things in the same room as him and I wasn't being overly quiet. The song "If I Die Young" came on and at the same moment Cole woke up crying. As soon as the song was over he was calm and sleepy again. I can't help but to wonder if he somehow senses you. I hope that he does!
Thank you for teaching me how to be a great mommy to Cole. I'm forever indebted to you for that. We were so blessed to have loved you first, sweet little girl!
Love, Mommy
Sunday, April 1, 2012
I Know the Feeling...
So this is "old news" you are probably going to say, but I wanted to write an entry about the Duggar's losing their baby. I don't watch 19 Kids and Counting all of the time, but every now and then I will catch an episode. I go back and forth on my feelings about their family, but overall I do have respect for them.
I am guilty of saying they need to quit having kids. 19 is sooo many! However, part of the underlying reason I have probably said that is out of jealousy. NO, NO... Not because I want 19 children of my own. Let me explain! It's because I would love to have another child someday and I'm not positive that will happen. I'm envious that Mrs. Duggar can so easily get pregnant. Oh well...I know that God must be teaching me some different lessons than those the Duggar's are learning. I digress on the subject of having 19 kids. :)
I don't know how many of you watched the episode where Mrs. Duggar goes in for her ultrasound on child #20 and finds out there is no heartbeat. I happened to watch this one. I had a hard time holding back the tears. There are so many critics of the show and of the family itself, but losing a child is hard for anyone, no matter who you are. Watching Mrs. Duggar get the news that her child was no longer alive and watching her tell her family hit way too close to home. I hurt for her. The pain you could see in her eyes was so sad. I realized that good ole infertile me and the lady who has 19 kids have something in common. We carry the same sadness in our hearts. People can criticize away and say she shouldn't have been pregnant in the first place and she doesn't need any more kids, but he fact is that she was pregnant and she no longer has that precious little baby. People should show some sympathy.
I respect this family because I feel like they have instilled great values in their children. They have a lot of love in their family and they also are providing for their kids without the help of our government. So if they want to have 20 kids then who are we to judge. How many people do we all know that shouldn't be parents because they neglect or constantly criticize their kids. Or how many do we know that are on governmental assistance for whatever reason? I give them credit for caring and providing for their family.
I'm not wanting to start a debate about how we all view the family, I just simply wanted to make note that I know the exact feelings that Mrs. Duggar must have felt after losing her daughter. And whether it's your first or 20th kid I would imagine it doesn't hurt any different. I also admire the way Mrs. Duggar has handled the situation. She has put it in God's hands, realizing He is the ultimate being who gives and takes. One day I know both of us will be reunited with our "little" girls.
I am guilty of saying they need to quit having kids. 19 is sooo many! However, part of the underlying reason I have probably said that is out of jealousy. NO, NO... Not because I want 19 children of my own. Let me explain! It's because I would love to have another child someday and I'm not positive that will happen. I'm envious that Mrs. Duggar can so easily get pregnant. Oh well...I know that God must be teaching me some different lessons than those the Duggar's are learning. I digress on the subject of having 19 kids. :)
I don't know how many of you watched the episode where Mrs. Duggar goes in for her ultrasound on child #20 and finds out there is no heartbeat. I happened to watch this one. I had a hard time holding back the tears. There are so many critics of the show and of the family itself, but losing a child is hard for anyone, no matter who you are. Watching Mrs. Duggar get the news that her child was no longer alive and watching her tell her family hit way too close to home. I hurt for her. The pain you could see in her eyes was so sad. I realized that good ole infertile me and the lady who has 19 kids have something in common. We carry the same sadness in our hearts. People can criticize away and say she shouldn't have been pregnant in the first place and she doesn't need any more kids, but he fact is that she was pregnant and she no longer has that precious little baby. People should show some sympathy.
I respect this family because I feel like they have instilled great values in their children. They have a lot of love in their family and they also are providing for their kids without the help of our government. So if they want to have 20 kids then who are we to judge. How many people do we all know that shouldn't be parents because they neglect or constantly criticize their kids. Or how many do we know that are on governmental assistance for whatever reason? I give them credit for caring and providing for their family.
I'm not wanting to start a debate about how we all view the family, I just simply wanted to make note that I know the exact feelings that Mrs. Duggar must have felt after losing her daughter. And whether it's your first or 20th kid I would imagine it doesn't hurt any different. I also admire the way Mrs. Duggar has handled the situation. She has put it in God's hands, realizing He is the ultimate being who gives and takes. One day I know both of us will be reunited with our "little" girls.
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