FIVE

"I am so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." ~Anne of Green Gables

Five years.  That’s enough time for so many things to change in life.  Five years brings people in and out of your life.  It is enough time to set goals and accomplish them.  It brings family and career changes. Five years is enough time to celebrate large milestones.  Five years is a long time to miss someone who isn’t here with you.  

Obviously life has continued to move forward.  Some days it seems the speed at which my life is moving forward is incredibly fast.  In the last 5 years I’ve had 3 babies, had a few role changes at work, taken a few big vacations, and most recently trained for and ran a half marathon.  My days are so full with work and the boys that the weeks and months begin to blur together.  But every year once October hits it’s as if my world stands still for a moment. It may be the crisp fall air or the sun shining through the changing leaves on the trees.  Maybe it’s the comfort of putting on a warm sweatshirt or sleeping with the windows open.  Whatever it is, I’m reminded so much of October 2010.  October equals Braelyn in my world.  It’s being excited about my pregnancy with her, it’s her scary entrance into this world, it’s her heartbreaking exit, and it’s her beautiful fall service to remember her at Lake Evergreen. And each October becomes even more about her as we choose to do something big to commemorate her life while at the same time filling the lives of others with her name. 

I don’t think a year will go by without me thinking “what would she be doing now” or “what would she be like”.  But those questions are also hard because I know we’ll never get to actually experience the answers.  Five is almost a rite of passage for a kid.  No longer a baby or toddler, but a true big kid.  I’m sure my house would be littered with baby dolls, Barbie’s, and pink dress up clothes.  We would probably know every single Disney princess name, own all of the movies, and watch them on repeat.  I bet she’d know how to ride a bike without training wheels, attend Little Kidsview at church, and probably know how to write her name.   She would have long dark brown hair and big brown eyes and maybe a cute little dimple in her chin like her baby brother.  She would fiercely love and adore her brothers.  The three of them would have so much fun together.  All of these thoughts make me smile but I quickly get a lump in my throat because it’s all just a dream.   It’s like when you were a little kid and you dreamed up what your exact family would be like when you grew up, but then that perfect dream fades into reality and life is so different.

Don’t feel sorry for me though.  My life has turned out beautifully.  Even more so than I could have imagined or planned out for myself – it’s just different than what I originally pictured.  I’ve said this before, but I truly believe it. Braelyn has changed me at my core.  I am not the same person I once was or dreamt to be.  My life goals, what I consider to be important milestones, and ideas of success have evolved into something that I can smile and be absolutely sure about.  I am a nicer, more caring, and patient person.  My relationship with Jesus has changed tremendously – and is now at the very heart of my life, relationships, and decisions I’m making.  I can say matter of factly, if I did not know Jesus and the promise of eternal life that he brings to us, I would be in a much different mental state after losing my daughter.  I’m still sad, I still wish the ending was different, but I know that one day I will be reunited with her because Jesus paid for my sins and gives me the promise of eternal life if I choose to believe and follow him.  I can’t image going through a devastating event like this without knowing the promise that lies ahead.  I don’t plan to leave this world anytime soon, but I know when I do I won’t have to be sad because I’ll be on my way to Braelyn and I can’t wait to talk to her again.  

I talk to the boys about Braelyn often.  Clay is starting to say her name when I ask him who his sister is.  Cole gets it a little bit more each time we talk about her.  I think he can tell that I am a mix of happy and sad when we talk about her, because his statements are so caring and innocent.  When I woke him up on October 1st, I told him that it’s now October and his immediate response through sleepy eyes was “Yay!  It’s Braelyn’s birthday now!”  I wasn’t expecting him to say it so it brought tears to my eyes and I told him “yep, buddy, it sure is!”  He loves to color and when I picked him up from daycare earlier in the week he had a picture that he had drawn and he said he wanted to tie it to a balloon and send it up to Heaven for Braelyn.  He knows his tiny sister is living with Jesus in Heaven and often he tells me he wants to put wings on and fly up to Heaven like an angel so he can see her.  It’s hard to tell him that he really can’t do that.  Moments like these make me think about what I would be doing, if much at all, to talk to my boys at this age about Jesus and his love for us and what it means.  I’m honestly not sure I’d be discussing these details of Jesus' love for us with them.  Just another great thing that Braelyn did for us.

You have probably seen on Facebook that this year for Braelyn’s 5^th birthday we chose to collect books for families of babies who are in the NICU.  We chose the titles:  Guess How Much I Love You; On the Night You Were Born; and Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You.  The response was (again) overwhelming this year and we’ve collected so many more books than I imagined we would.  I’d like to say THANK YOU to those of you who have continued to support and love us through each October.  It’s amazing to me that you have not forgotten her after 5 years.  Each year you continue to help us to do something amazing in our community for others in the same circumstances that we’ve been in.  We collected 300 books!  I’m blown away with amazement.  These books will be broken down into packages with one of each book (so 3 books) to give to each family.  We will be taking several of these packages to The Children’s Hospital of IL in Peoria and also to Carle Hospital in Urbana, since both of these places have NICU’s.  We are also going to send a very special package to twin preemie baby girls in Ohio who are showing this world what they are made of.   

Cole has been in his element each day when we get home running to the porch to check for packages.  He has helped me to open each one, read who it is from, and count how many books we got.  It has been so fun this year to see him really get into what we are doing and see what a difference it’s going to make to others.  It feels so good to know Braelyn’s name is on each and every one of those books.  Can you believe 100 families will be touched by your generosity? 101 families if you count mine….we are so blessed to call you friends and family! I appreciate each and every one of you who has supported us in the journey we’ve been on in the last 5 years.  I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.  

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I can’t wait to see what this next year has in store.  I’m already brainstorming ideas for #6. 

Here are some pictures of Braelyn’s Book Drive of 2015 and our special day today.

Cole pointing excitedly to all of the packages on our porch! 

The collection begins. 

Sorting them all into groups of 3.

Packaged in the bags and almost ready for delivery.

Delivering the books in Peoria

Playing at the park after our delivery

At the park Cole found this random pink balloon on the ground.
I think it was a sign from above :) 

Lunch at Bass Pro and a look at the big fish.

Getting ready to let balloons go for Braelyn in Heaven

Cole had this idea because he drew a beautiful picture for Braelyn
and he wanted to send it up to her in Heaven.

There it goes!

Beautiful at the lake, as usual.  One of my favorite spots.

It wouldn't be a birthday in the Corbin house without ice cream
to celebrate! 

Gone Too Soon

A friend of mine posted this song (video below) on her Facebook wall today in memory of her son who was born too soon.  I took the time to listen to it and the lyrics really hit home.  It's true....not a day goes by when I don't think of Braelyn.  Especially as I watch Cole grow and learn, I wonder what she would have been like.  

I find myself often torn between wishing she was here and being okay with the way our lives played out.  It's hard to explain...but if she were born full term and healthy then I would not have Cole, nor Baby Brother.  But I want her to be here with us.  I want to be excited to be a family who has 3 crazy kids at home.  Not two with one watching over us.   Obviously I can't change things...so I'm learning to be happy with the way our life is.  We will always feel a void, but I don't want life to stop because she isn't here either.  One day we will see her again and make up for lost time.  

I don't think that Braelyn only being here for 12 hours was any accident.  I feel like she had a purpose and each and every day I'm learning more and more about what that purpose was.  She taught us lots of lessons that we would have never learned otherwise.  Here are just a few ways that I feel like I'm a different person because of Braelyn:

1)  I feel like I'm more tolerant and slower to judge people because you never know what their life story is.  I would venture to guess that the people who don't know a lot about me wouldn't have any idea that I had a daughter who passed away, but I am the way I am based on those experiences.  Maybe someone who I encounter has had some life changing experience that most people can't relate to and maybe that's why they are the way they are.  Before we lost Braelyn, I had a really hard time picturing devastating events happening to people and changing who they are at their core.  I probably was not very sympathetic to those people.  But now I understand.  I am trying on a daily basis to remember to find the good in people.  I'm not the best at this and I strive to be a better person every day, but I'm appreciative of the lesson I've learned.  

2)  Braelyn taught me to be more generous and to help others.  I would like to think that I would have done random acts of kindness often even if she had never been born.  I did nice things for others here and there, but after she was born I know that it's so much more important to me to find others that I can help.  We had so much love and support shown to us from family, friends, and even strangers that it will take a lifetime to pay it all forward.  But I want to strive to continue to do nice things for others because our life has been blessed and we are very fortunate.  I can't wait for the day that Cole and Baby Brother can learn about their special sister and think of ideas to help others in her memory.   

3)  She also made me a more patient and involved parent.  I know a lot of people who are really good parents.  But I feel different from a lot of them.  I don't want to offend anyone, because I know that most people love their kids and feel like they are a true gift (and I would NEVER wish my experiences on anyone that I know).  But I have a different perspective on the whole parenting gig.  I know that by seeing the worst that can happen to your child I have a unique perspective on raising a child.  Braelyn has made me cherish every single moment with Cole.  Sure there are still moments when I get frustrated with him, but I can chill out and remember that he's just a baby and I'm so incredibly blessed to have him here with me.  She has taught me to slow down and enjoy the little things.  I would rather sit down on the floor and build towers with blocks a million and one times than worry about doing the dishes that are piling up in the sink.  I know that had it not been for Braelyn, I would have been worrying about when I was going to find the time to clean my house and possibly ignoring Cole's requests to play with him.  I'm so thankful for this lesson.  The time is already going too fast with Cole and I don't want him to ever think that I didn't have time to have fun with him because I was worried about doing something else.  I know that when he's grown up I'll have plenty of time to clean and organize.  But for right now, I want to enjoy the moments.  So if you come over, excuse this mess we call Toddler Land in our living room :)

I don't post much on here about Braelyn anymore.  I am at a place in my life where I do feel true happiness and joy about the life that I'm living.  I have my moments of feeling sad and sorry for myself, but those moments are rare.  Mostly I am just thankful to have gotten a new perspective on life before my boys were born.  The experiences I had are making me a much better mom (and wife).  I love my boys so much, but I will always keep a special place in my heart for my sweet baby girl.  

Tomorrow is Memorial Day.  I know that it's a day to remember the men who have served our Country to bring us freedom and choices and I for one am very thankful for these men and women.  But let's also take a few minutes to remember others that we have loved and lost.   Hug your loved ones a little bit tighter and enjoy the little moments that life throws your way.  

Baby Diapers Update

Wow!  I just want to say thank you to all of the people who have donated money, fabric, and time to my diaper project for Braelyn's birthday.  I really debated if I should put anything on Facebook or not, but I'm so glad that I did.  So far it's been a great turnout and we are going to help so many parents and tiny babies feel loved.  You all are so awesome!

I ordered a bunch of fabric tonight and am so excited to get started on cutting the patterns out.  Then...I'll have to learn how to sew :)  I have had a few friends offer to help me sew, and I will probably enlist their help in order to get these done.  I didn't really have a goal of a certain number of diapers that I want to donate, but I can tell you that from the responses I've gotten of people who want to help, we have already exceeded my expectations.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

If you are looking for cute fabric, there are a lot of sites online if you search under "flannel fabric".  A few of the great sites that I purchased from are Etsy (just search "flannel fabric") and Hawthorne Threads .   You can also look at any fabric store and find some cute patterns.

One of my friends had a good suggestion:  She said we should probably wash, dry, and iron the fabric before we cut the diapers out.  I liked this suggestion because the diapers will be clean and fresh when they are put on the tiny babies.  If you have already started making diapers and didn't do this, don't worry!  The diapers will still be fine.  I wouldn't have even thought of doing this, so I'm glad my friend suggested it to me.

I said in my prior note that I want to deliver these diapers to The Children's Hospital of Illinois in Peoria on December 14.  This is the day we are going to Peoria for Cole's doctor appointment for his kidneys and we will be right by the NICU where Braelyn spent her 12 hours of life.  It will mean a lot to me to deliver them by hand instead of mailing them.  This means that if you are making diapers I would like to have them at my house no later than December 1.  That way I can get the cards made that tell why we are doing this and package them up nicely for delivery.  If you are wanting to just buy fabric and get it to me, I will need it sooner than December 1 so I can wash it, cut it, and then sew the diapers.  Hopefully that gives everyone enough time!  For those of you making the diapers who do not live close, please let me know how much shipping is to mail them to me and I will reimburse you.  If you have any questions just shoot me a private message or e-mail.

Again, thank you all so much for the generous donations of money, time, and efforts!  I am so thrilled this idea is coming to fruition and I couldn't be happier about helping grieving parents feel a little more loved.

Let the Creative Juices Flow...

So I've been thinking about Cole's 1st birthday party a lot lately.  I have such a cute theme picked out and I have been pinning away on Pinterest.   Before I know it I'll have a ONE year old!


All this planning for Cole's birthday has made me think a lot about Braelyn.  On October 7, it will be her 2nd birthday.  In a way it seems like yesterday I was laying upside down in a hospital bed struggling to keep her alive.  But on the other hand, now that I have Cole, it seems like it was a lifetime ago.  I hate that I am losing some of the memories of that time of my life, but maybe it's for my own protection.  We don't talk about her too much, but she's always in my mind.  Every time I'm interacting with Cole or watching him discover something new, I can't help but to think about what it would have been like to experience these times with Braelyn.


Anyways, I promised myself that every year I would do something nice for someone else in honor of Braelyn.  I want to be sure that she is remembered and her short life served a purpose here on Earth.  Last year we had a big party with both of our families and talked about what each person/family had done in her name.  This year, we are not going to do a party, but I do still want to celebrate her.


I have been reading a blog for over a year now of a family who had premature twins (28 weeks) and one of them didn't survive.  Her surviving twin has overcome a lot of obstacles due to being severely premature.  He is thriving now, but the pain of losing a precious child is never forgotten.  The lady who authors this blog decided to do something to remember her son, Dex.  She began making tiny diapers out of flannel fabric that she donates to hospitals.


Her organization is called Teeny Tears.  She states on her website that approximately 26,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year, about 1 in 160 births. A significant number of these angels are preemie or micropreemie infants.  Many of these angels are far too small for even the very smallest commercial diapers.  Teeny Tears is a service organization that provides tiny flannel diapers at no charge to hospitals and bereavement support organizations for families that have suffered the loss of a preemie or micropreemie child through stillbirth to NICU loss. 


This is an idea I LOVE!  I remember standing in Braelyn's NICU room and trying to gather up anything and everything that she had touched.  I wanted to bring it all home because I didn't have much in the way of things that belonged to her.  Everything I have fits into one tiny box.  It would have been nice to receive these diapers that actually would have fit her.  One thing I'm passionate about is trying to help those who are currently standing or will stand in the shoes I wore on Thursday, October 7, 2010.  


So, this year for Braelyn's birthday I am planning to make several of these diapers to send to The Children's Hospital of Illinois in Peoria.  The same place that Braelyn lived for 12 hours.  My friend Kari has agreed to teach me how to sew and my mom is going to let me rev up her sewing machine.  I know I need to start this endeavor soon b/c I'm no sewing expert by any means.  It'll probably take me a few months to accomplish my goal.  


I am writing about this on my blog for a few reasons.  First, I want to state my plan in a public forum so I stick to it.  I don't want to have a great idea in my head and not carry it out.  So, hear me when I say I am going to do this!  It may not all be done in October, but my plan is by the end of the year.  Cole has a doctor appointment in Peoria for his kidneys in December, so I will plan to make my delivery that day to the NICU.  Just in time for Christmas.  My second reason for writing this blog entry is to get others involved in this great cause.  If you would like to sew diapers, donate fabric (must be flannel),  donate safety pins, or even donate money to go towards making these diapers, I would gratefully accept offers.  


You can learn more about Teeny Tears here:  Teeny Tears Blog   Be sure to check out their mission, learn about precious Dex, and look at all of the adorable diapers that have already been made and donated.  Also, if you want to sew some diapers yourself to add to my donation you can find the pattern  under the Tutorials and Patterns tab at the top.  There are a few different size diapers that you can choose from.  


Thanks for listening to me ramble on here tonight.  It feels good to have decided what I want to do for Braelyn this year.  I can't wait until Cole is old enough to learn about his sister and choose something that he wants to do to honor her each year.  It'll be so fun to see how his little mind will work when it comes to doing something nice for someone else.  

Mother's Day 2012

This Mother's Day was really special to me.  It is the first year I have a baby in my ARMS to hug and cuddle.  The last few Mother's Days have been bittersweet.  Mother's Day 2010, I got a call that morning from our embryologist saying that we had two embryos that had fertilized and were waiting for us to finish our IVF cycle.  One of those embryos was Braelyn.  Then Mother's Day 2011, Braelyn wasn't here to celebrate with us that I was a mom, but I was pregnant with Cole.  Fast forward to Mother's Day 2012 and I finally have a baby who is happy and healthy here with me.

First time seeing Braelyn

Matt made the day really special for me.  Cole actually slept in (for the first time ever...) until 8 a.m. So we had a later start to our day than usual.  We went to breakfast at Flattop and it was so good.  I definitely over ate!  We had a couple of errands to run, but I loved every minute of the mundane weekend tasks that we were doing because I had Cole in my arms the entire time.  I refused to push him in the stroller or carry him in his seat because I wanted to be with him as much as possible all day.  He is getting to be a heavy little booger though, my back was hurting by the time we were done at the grocery store :o)

I love this boy so much!

Giving mom some smiles

We came home for a bit to try and get Cole to nap.  He wasn't wanting to nap alone, so I gave in and took one with him.  It felt great to snuggle and hear him breathing next to me.  When we woke up, Matt said he wanted to take us out to Lake Evergreen for a picnic dinner.  Lake Evergreen is special to us because it is where we held Braelyn's funeral.  We like to go out there on special occasions to make it feel like Braelyn is a part of what we are celebrating.  And yesterday, she was a very important part because she is the one who first made me a mama.  This was Cole's first time out to our special spot at the lake too.  He smiled and laughed the whole time!  It was perfect.

Cole's first time to Braelyn's spot at the lake

I am so lucky to have Cole!  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for him.  I feel so blessed to have had the experience with Braelyn because I know for a fact that I appreciate Cole even more than ever.  Yesterday it was fun to be celebrated as a mom, but to me, every day is Mother's Day because I LOVE taking care of Cole.

Can't forget my fur baby.  He went along to the lake with us and
was a giant pain, but I love him anyway!

Dear Braelyn...

Dear Braelyn,

Today you would be 18 months old.  Wow!  The last year and a half have somehow managed to be both the fastest and slowest months of my life.  We miss you every single day, but we are still finding lots of happiness in life.  Your life and death taught us many valuable lessons.

I wonder what you would be like today if you had survived.  Would you be suffering with many developmental delays, or would you have overcome them to be a fairly normal 18 month old?  Would you be saying any words?  Or crawling or walking? After seeing how smiley your little brother is, I wonder what your smile would have looked like.  Would we be feeling sad for you every day that you couldn't be like other children?  Or would we be rejoicing that you were passing milestones that the doctors said you would never make?  We will never know...but I think God knew you would have a hard life if you had lived.  I think he didn't want to see you suffer so he took you to the best place anyone could ever be.  I'm grateful for that.

We are having so much fun with Cole.  He makes us think about you though.  But it's because of you we love him even more than we might have without knowing you.  We are more protective of him because we know how fragile life can be.  We slow down to take the time to interact with him because we only had 12 short hours with you.  You taught us how quick life can change without warning.  That we should cherish every single second of every day with our loved ones.  I will be forever thankful that you came into my life.  I would like to think I would have been a good mommy without ever knowing you, but I think you helped me to realize exactly the type of mom I want and need to be for Cole.  I hope someday he see's how lucky he is that we had you first.

It's so fun for us to watch Cole change every day, but it's hard to realize we won't ever have that same experience with you.  Last night something ironic happened.  I was listening to Pandora and Cole was sleeping.  I know he was sleeping pretty sound because I was doing things in the same room as him and I wasn't being overly quiet.  The song "If I Die Young" came on and at the same moment Cole woke up crying.  As soon as the song was over he was calm and sleepy again.  I can't help but to wonder if he somehow senses you.  I hope that he does!

Thank you for teaching me how to be a great mommy to Cole.  I'm forever indebted to you for that.  We were so blessed to have loved you first, sweet little girl!

Love, Mommy

God is Good

As I stood in the shower this morning I had a flashback to the days right after we lost Braelyn.  I remember just standing in the shower each morning crying and feeling sad.  I knew each day as I cried I needed to remember to be thankful for what God had given to me.  Even though I lost Braelyn I knew that I had always lived a blessed life.  For a week or two after Braelyn died I let myself cry through my shower, but then I made myself suck it up and make the conscious decision to keep going each day.

Right after I thought about Braelyn this morning, I started thinking about how much joy Cole has brought into my life, even just in 3 quick months.  I literally cannot imagine my life without him.  I don't know what I did before he was here with me and I can't wait to share in so many fun times and make special memories with him.  I just couldn't get over the fact that I am so lucky and happy.  I knew I would find true happiness again after we lost Braelyn, but about 18 months ago I would have had a hard time being convinced it could be so soon.  God has truly blessed me again!

Each time I think about Braelyn I feel so lucky that she entered our lives.  She was a much wanted and already loved little girl.  Even though our time on Earth with her was so short she managed to teach Matt and I about what true love is.  She actually taught us many lessons that we quite possibly could have spent the rest of our lives trying to learn.  Mostly though, I'm so thankful to her for helping us have Cole.  What I mean is without her being born so early and leaving us after only 12 hours we would have never had Cole in our life.  If I had carried Braelyn to full term and she was born at the end of January 2010, we would have never in a million years been ready to do IVF again by April 2010.  Therefore, there would be no Cole.  I'm sure we would have tried IVF again sometime after she was born, but whatever child we would have gotten would not be my sweet little boy.  I don't even know if that makes sense to anyone, but to me I feel like she was given to us by God to teach us some lessons but also in order to set it up so Cole would be ours.  Do I wish things had played out differently with Braelyn?  Of course I do.  I would never have wished to lose her.   But I always try to find the positives in situations and I know for a fact she helped us to be able to pave the way for baby Cole.

I can't wait for Cole to get a bit older so we can tell him about his sister and how special of a role she played in all of our lives.  Going through IVF was hard, but I love to count my blessings...and those include two very sweet little babies!  I'm so lucky!

The Should Be Birthday Girl

Today my baby girl should be turning one. That is, if she came on her due date. It's hard to believe its actually been longer than one year since we met and said goodbye.

A lot of my friends have babies that are turning one right now and I often wonder what types of things Braelyn would be doing. If she had been born on her due date I bet we would be busy chasing her around. We would be be watching her rip open wrapping paper on her birthday gifts. We would be watching her learn new things everyday. But if she had survived her premature state our life would be so different from what I just imagined. We would probably be rejoicing over the types of things most human beings take for granted. Like breathing and eating and maybe some minor interactions. Knowing that doesn't make me want her here any less but life would be hard. I can't imagine watching her struggle to do little things. I know it would be heartbreaking.

As much as I still (and always will) miss her, I am so grateful for her sacrifice. Without her being born so early and without her passing away we would not have Cole. One child can't take the place of another but I have learned the hard way to never take this precious little life for granted. I will cherish every minute that God allows me to have with him. I will watch him grow and I will often think of his sister.

I am so incredibly thankful for Braelyn and the 12 hours and 23 minutes we had her here on earth with us. It's because of her that Cole is here but also because of her that I am already a better mama. Those are lessons that would have taken me years to learn because it's so easy to take life for granted. Now I don't have to miss being appreciative of my new baby for one second.

We love you baby Brae and miss you all of the time. While I don't want to rush through my life here on earth, I really can't wait to meet you in Heaven some day!

As you release this butterfly in honor of me, know that I'm with you and will always be. Hold a hand, say a prayer, close your eyes and see me there. Although you may feel a bit torn apart, please know that I'll be forever in your heart. Now fly away butterfly as high as you can go, I'm right there with you more than you know.

Blessed

Yesterday morning I prayed and asked God to bless me.  This prayer came about because someone let me borrow a book called "The Prayer of Jabez".  This book says that you should ask God to bless you on a daily basis.  I figured it couldn't hurt to say a prayer like that...

When I got home from work there was a package in the mail addressed to me.  The funny thing was that my name and address were handwritten, and I had no idea who the person was on the return address label. I slowly opened the package and to my surprise it was a beautiful bracelet.  The bracelet was handmade with pink and white beads and two charms.  The charms were a baby's footprint and on the other side it said "Remember" and the other charm was the letter "B".  I knew as soon as I saw the "B" that someone had heard my story and sent this to me.  I still couldn't figure out who this generous person was.  I saw a small business card tucked inside of the package and as I looked at it I noticed writing on the back side.  I read it and it said "A friend of yours, YuLuen Ma, suggested that you may like this bracelet.  My husband and I also lost our daughter- Her story is on our blog."  YuLuen Ma was a professor of mine at ISU.  Her and I had recently spoken about my journey and about Braelyn.  I was so touched that she would think to have this nice person send me a bracelet to remember Braelyn by.  I immediately went to this persons blog and read their story.  It was sad, just like mine.  This lady had begun making bracelets for others who had experienced similar losses to hers, and I could tell by the bracelet that she has hope as well.  I wouldn't wish losing a child on anyone, but it was reassuring to me that someone who knows the same pain I do would be willing to reach out to others.

I can't believe how generous and supportive people have been.  I truly think that Matt and I have been blessed beyond measure to have been the parents of Braelyn, who touched so many people in her short life.  I asked God to bless me specifically on Wednesday, but in reality, he has been blessing me since October 7...and even before that.

I challenge you to ask God to bless you each and every day.

<3 Erin