God is Good

As I stood in the shower this morning I had a flashback to the days right after we lost Braelyn.  I remember just standing in the shower each morning crying and feeling sad.  I knew each day as I cried I needed to remember to be thankful for what God had given to me.  Even though I lost Braelyn I knew that I had always lived a blessed life.  For a week or two after Braelyn died I let myself cry through my shower, but then I made myself suck it up and make the conscious decision to keep going each day.

Right after I thought about Braelyn this morning, I started thinking about how much joy Cole has brought into my life, even just in 3 quick months.  I literally cannot imagine my life without him.  I don't know what I did before he was here with me and I can't wait to share in so many fun times and make special memories with him.  I just couldn't get over the fact that I am so lucky and happy.  I knew I would find true happiness again after we lost Braelyn, but about 18 months ago I would have had a hard time being convinced it could be so soon.  God has truly blessed me again!

Each time I think about Braelyn I feel so lucky that she entered our lives.  She was a much wanted and already loved little girl.  Even though our time on Earth with her was so short she managed to teach Matt and I about what true love is.  She actually taught us many lessons that we quite possibly could have spent the rest of our lives trying to learn.  Mostly though, I'm so thankful to her for helping us have Cole.  What I mean is without her being born so early and leaving us after only 12 hours we would have never had Cole in our life.  If I had carried Braelyn to full term and she was born at the end of January 2010, we would have never in a million years been ready to do IVF again by April 2010.  Therefore, there would be no Cole.  I'm sure we would have tried IVF again sometime after she was born, but whatever child we would have gotten would not be my sweet little boy.  I don't even know if that makes sense to anyone, but to me I feel like she was given to us by God to teach us some lessons but also in order to set it up so Cole would be ours.  Do I wish things had played out differently with Braelyn?  Of course I do.  I would never have wished to lose her.   But I always try to find the positives in situations and I know for a fact she helped us to be able to pave the way for baby Cole.

I can't wait for Cole to get a bit older so we can tell him about his sister and how special of a role she played in all of our lives.  Going through IVF was hard, but I love to count my blessings...and those include two very sweet little babies!  I'm so lucky!

Blessed

Yesterday morning I prayed and asked God to bless me.  This prayer came about because someone let me borrow a book called "The Prayer of Jabez".  This book says that you should ask God to bless you on a daily basis.  I figured it couldn't hurt to say a prayer like that...

When I got home from work there was a package in the mail addressed to me.  The funny thing was that my name and address were handwritten, and I had no idea who the person was on the return address label. I slowly opened the package and to my surprise it was a beautiful bracelet.  The bracelet was handmade with pink and white beads and two charms.  The charms were a baby's footprint and on the other side it said "Remember" and the other charm was the letter "B".  I knew as soon as I saw the "B" that someone had heard my story and sent this to me.  I still couldn't figure out who this generous person was.  I saw a small business card tucked inside of the package and as I looked at it I noticed writing on the back side.  I read it and it said "A friend of yours, YuLuen Ma, suggested that you may like this bracelet.  My husband and I also lost our daughter- Her story is on our blog."  YuLuen Ma was a professor of mine at ISU.  Her and I had recently spoken about my journey and about Braelyn.  I was so touched that she would think to have this nice person send me a bracelet to remember Braelyn by.  I immediately went to this persons blog and read their story.  It was sad, just like mine.  This lady had begun making bracelets for others who had experienced similar losses to hers, and I could tell by the bracelet that she has hope as well.  I wouldn't wish losing a child on anyone, but it was reassuring to me that someone who knows the same pain I do would be willing to reach out to others.

I can't believe how generous and supportive people have been.  I truly think that Matt and I have been blessed beyond measure to have been the parents of Braelyn, who touched so many people in her short life.  I asked God to bless me specifically on Wednesday, but in reality, he has been blessing me since October 7...and even before that.

I challenge you to ask God to bless you each and every day.

<3 Erin