Baby Boy's Room

We are completely finished decorating baby boy Corbin's room.  We chose the color and bedding for Braelyn, but decided to keep it the same for this baby too.  I LOVE this room.  It's so peaceful and relaxing.  I can just picture us holding, playing with, and cuddling our baby in the room.  I like to go in there to sit in the chair and read or look out the window.  Won't be much longer until little man is living in there!  Here are some pictures of the room and the details.

 

22 Weeks

If I Die Young

At Braelyn's memorial we played the song "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry.  It seemed like a very fitting song for a little girl who was gone too soon.  I have heard this song on the radio several times since her death and it really doesn't make me sad.  I actually feel more connected to her when I hear it.  

I found out last week that The Band Perry is coming to Bloomington to put on a show.  The ironic part is that the date they are coming to play is October 7.  The same day as Braelyn's first birthday.  I can't help but to think it's a sign.  I won't go to the show, but I'll probably listen to the song several times throughout the day to remember my sweet baby.  

Here are the lyrics if you are not familiar with the song.  

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,
There's a boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

F.A.L.L.

I seriously LOVE the fall season.  I have decided that I could never live anywhere that did not have seasons, but especially fall.  Each year about this time I start to really wish that fall would hurry up and get here.  As I sit here blogging I have my Spiced Pumpkin candle lit.  Smells so good.  Here are some of my favorite things about fall....

- Spiced Pumpkin candle

- Changing colors of the leaves

- Crisp air/having the windows open

- Fires outside

- Any food made with pumpkins or apples

- Wearing sweatshirts outside

- Apple cider

- Hiking at Starved Rock or Turkey Run

- Harvest

- Soup

- Football

- School (even though I don't go anymore)

- My birthday

This year during fall I will also be celebrating Braelyn's 1st birthday.  I hope to be able to find something special to do in memory of her.  We celebrated her life at Lake Evergreen and it was so beautiful.  I hope that the atmosphere there is just as pretty this year.  Another special event this fall will be when I hit 28 weeks in this pregnancy.  At that point my little guy will have a very high chance of survival, and that will make me one happy mama.  

Hopefully the next few weeks of summer will fly by so we can sit back and enjoy fall.  Normally I am not one to rush to get to winter, but this year is a different story.  I hope you all enjoy fall as much as I do! 

anx·i·ety (noun \aŋ-ˈzī-ə-tē\)

Anxiety is an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.


Tomorrow will mark the start of week 19 of my pregnancy.  I'm almost half way there (well in my case I am probably over half way there...but still hoping that he is near full term)!  Lately I have had a ton of anxiety.  Last time I was pregnant I was completely oblivious to anything bad that could happen.  This time...I am fully aware of everything that can go wrong.  


Isn't it funny how when you want the time to pass quickly, it moves in slow motion.  But when you want time to slow down it moves at warp speed?  I feel like i'm currently living in slow motion.  I need to first make it to 24 weeks as that is when a baby is viable outside of the womb.  Then I need to make it to 28 weeks as the baby will have about a 90-95% chance of surviving.  Seems so far away. 


I like the saying "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it."  I'm trying to keep in mind that God knows my plan better than I ever will.  Whatever is meant to happen is already planned out...I just need to remember that whatever comes my way I can handle. 


I know I am under the best care possible and I am doing everything in my power to take it easy (which is hard for me).  I just need to try and relax and not think about the negatives.  I feel that God gave us this baby for a reason, and I need to enjoy each minute I have with him!  


Starting this week we will be going to the doctor once a week to make sure everything is working the way it should.  I think that will give me a bit more peace of mind.  I have been feeling the baby move quite a bit, and that is also reassuring.  I can't wait until I start feeling him more and more.  


This post is all over the place.  Just thought I might feel better if I put something down on "paper" about my anxiety.  I am generally not a worrier, so being in a position where I'm feeling anxious all of the time definitely stresses me out.  But I know somehow I'll make it to the place that I need to be.  My family and friends have been a great support to me.  And I know that is something I will continue to need...


Now let's hope Wednesday comes fast so I can see my little baby squirt again and make sure everything is okay! :o) 

This will be my little guy some day soon...

Baby Squirt @ 16 Weeks

Hard to believe I'm almost half way through this pregnancy with Baby Squirt.  At least I'm hoping that I'm almost half way there and not over half way with this pregnancy.  My doctors are doing such a great job of monitoring me this time around that I feel confident this pregnancy will last until 37 weeks at least.  We have an ultrasound done every other week.  They measure my cervix length first and then we get to see the baby.  I have never been nervous about something being wrong with the baby.  Mostly I just worry that my cervix will be shorter than the last time.  But once we get that check over with I enjoy the rest of my appointment.

Last time we went to the doctor we left with 114 pictures of the baby.  I'm pretty sure our doctor's office loves us!  Never thought I would say I felt like a celebrity at my OBGYN's office, but hey I'm not complaining!  It's amazing how much the baby changes every two weeks. First looking like a blob, then morphing into something that resembled a gummy bear (with short little arms and legs) and finally into a baby.  Each appointment the baby just keeps getting bigger.

We found out that Baby Squirt is a BOY!  We were really excited to find out the gender.  It will definitely make choosing a name much easier if we only have to focus on one sex.  It still might take us a while to settle on a name...it's so hard!  It was bittersweet taking all of the pink clothes out of the nursery closet, but I hope it's just as fun to fill it up with little boy stuff.

I've been feeling great.  Not much to complain about.  I have not been sick at all.  I have gained just enough weight that I am no longer looking at the scale :o)  and the tiredness is easing up a bit.  You can definitely tell that I'm pregnant just by looking at me.  I like that feeling though.

I'm trying so hard to enjoy each moment that I have with this baby.  After losing Braelyn so fast I want to savor every moment this time around.  It is hard to relax though because in the back of my mind is always everything that could go wrong.  When I was pregnant with Braelyn I skipped all of the chapters in my books about complications.  This time around I have read and memorized just about all of the information for every condition.  Don't get me wrong, I am still thinking very positively about this experience...I just want to be prepared this time around.  So far though, there is nothing to be worried about.  Let's keep it that way!!

Here are some pictures of the baby that we scored at the doctor's last week.  Hope you enjoy them as much as we do!  And thanks for all of the support.  I know I've said it before, but it's because of the support of all of my family and friends that I'm getting through everything.

Peek-a-boo!

Baby's face-- looks like a skeleton baby

Aww, so cute!

Baby's profile

Look at those chicken legs!