Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Goal #1 = Complete!
Today I am 24 weeks pregnant.... Feels great to hit milestone #1. Next stop- 28 weeks.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Baby Update- 23 Weeks
Just wanted to write a quick update about the baby. So far everything is going really well. I had a short stint of being on strict couch rest a few weeks back because my cervix was funneling open. I caught a virus that Cole brought home from daycare (I'll spare you the details) and they think that it caused the funneling. After I recovered from it I haven't had any more scares. My cervix continues to hover around the 4 cm mark, which is an excellent measurement for this period of the pregnancy. As the pregnancy continues we expect it will decrease, as it does in any normal pregnancy...but we don't want to see the number drop too much or too fast.
I am allowed to get up and do a few things, but for the most part I'm trying really hard to sit. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize this little guys health. I know that going grocery shopping wouldn't be worth a 90+ day stay in the NICU for the baby...so Matt is taking care of most things like that for us. I'm not really allowed to pick Cole up much either, which is the hardest part of all of this. I really miss being the one to go in and wake him up in the mornings and grab him out of his crib. I miss being able to pick him up and carry him across the house. He can still sit on my lap, but what 17 month old boy wants to just sit on mom's lap when there are so many other fun things to do? :)
I'm counting down the weeks until my cerclage gets cut. That'll happen at 37 weeks...so I have about 13 more to go! So far the time is going pretty fast. I am still working during the day which is great-- it gives me something to do and I can't imagine bed rest w/out working (I don't know how my sister did it laying in the hospital with nothing to do all day...). I'm very blessed to have a job that I can sit on my couch and do. Then in the evenings once Matt gets home with Cole the time flies by. Cole is a lot of fun to sit and watch. He's really into Thomas the Train right now and every chance he gets he is asking if he can watch "choo choo" on the TV.
On Tuesday I will hit the 24 week mark. That is the week in pregnancy when a baby becomes viable for life on the outside. To put it in perspective, I had Braelyn at 23 weeks 5 days. Making it to 24 weeks has been my first goal, but I also know all too well that 24 weeks doesn't mean that things will go well. The rates for a 24 week old baby to survive are only like 40-50%. I am definitely trying to reach 28 weeks (July 1) as the viability percentage goes up to about 90-95%. I hate to think in terms like this, but I can't help it. Then my last goal is to make it to 36 weeks and then baby boy can come whenever he is ready at that point.
Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers that come our way! We are so appreciative of the support from family and friends. Won't be long until September is here and we are welcoming the final addition to our family!!
I am allowed to get up and do a few things, but for the most part I'm trying really hard to sit. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize this little guys health. I know that going grocery shopping wouldn't be worth a 90+ day stay in the NICU for the baby...so Matt is taking care of most things like that for us. I'm not really allowed to pick Cole up much either, which is the hardest part of all of this. I really miss being the one to go in and wake him up in the mornings and grab him out of his crib. I miss being able to pick him up and carry him across the house. He can still sit on my lap, but what 17 month old boy wants to just sit on mom's lap when there are so many other fun things to do? :)
I'm counting down the weeks until my cerclage gets cut. That'll happen at 37 weeks...so I have about 13 more to go! So far the time is going pretty fast. I am still working during the day which is great-- it gives me something to do and I can't imagine bed rest w/out working (I don't know how my sister did it laying in the hospital with nothing to do all day...). I'm very blessed to have a job that I can sit on my couch and do. Then in the evenings once Matt gets home with Cole the time flies by. Cole is a lot of fun to sit and watch. He's really into Thomas the Train right now and every chance he gets he is asking if he can watch "choo choo" on the TV.
On Tuesday I will hit the 24 week mark. That is the week in pregnancy when a baby becomes viable for life on the outside. To put it in perspective, I had Braelyn at 23 weeks 5 days. Making it to 24 weeks has been my first goal, but I also know all too well that 24 weeks doesn't mean that things will go well. The rates for a 24 week old baby to survive are only like 40-50%. I am definitely trying to reach 28 weeks (July 1) as the viability percentage goes up to about 90-95%. I hate to think in terms like this, but I can't help it. Then my last goal is to make it to 36 weeks and then baby boy can come whenever he is ready at that point.
Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers that come our way! We are so appreciative of the support from family and friends. Won't be long until September is here and we are welcoming the final addition to our family!!
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| He is what they call "Frank Breech"-- butt down and feet up by his head. |
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| 20 Weeks-- excuse the hot mess of my hair... I don't do much to get all dolled up these days! Actually, it's shocking I have jeans on and not sweats :) |
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| Mr. Cole and his iPad... |
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Gone Too Soon
A friend of mine posted this song (video below) on her Facebook wall today in memory of her son who was born too soon. I took the time to listen to it and the lyrics really hit home. It's true....not a day goes by when I don't think of Braelyn. Especially as I watch Cole grow and learn, I wonder what she would have been like.
I find myself often torn between wishing she was here and being okay with the way our lives played out. It's hard to explain...but if she were born full term and healthy then I would not have Cole, nor Baby Brother. But I want her to be here with us. I want to be excited to be a family who has 3 crazy kids at home. Not two with one watching over us. Obviously I can't change things...so I'm learning to be happy with the way our life is. We will always feel a void, but I don't want life to stop because she isn't here either. One day we will see her again and make up for lost time.
I don't think that Braelyn only being here for 12 hours was any accident. I feel like she had a purpose and each and every day I'm learning more and more about what that purpose was. She taught us lots of lessons that we would have never learned otherwise. Here are just a few ways that I feel like I'm a different person because of Braelyn:
1) I feel like I'm more tolerant and slower to judge people because you never know what their life story is. I would venture to guess that the people who don't know a lot about me wouldn't have any idea that I had a daughter who passed away, but I am the way I am based on those experiences. Maybe someone who I encounter has had some life changing experience that most people can't relate to and maybe that's why they are the way they are. Before we lost Braelyn, I had a really hard time picturing devastating events happening to people and changing who they are at their core. I probably was not very sympathetic to those people. But now I understand. I am trying on a daily basis to remember to find the good in people. I'm not the best at this and I strive to be a better person every day, but I'm appreciative of the lesson I've learned.
2) Braelyn taught me to be more generous and to help others. I would like to think that I would have done random acts of kindness often even if she had never been born. I did nice things for others here and there, but after she was born I know that it's so much more important to me to find others that I can help. We had so much love and support shown to us from family, friends, and even strangers that it will take a lifetime to pay it all forward. But I want to strive to continue to do nice things for others because our life has been blessed and we are very fortunate. I can't wait for the day that Cole and Baby Brother can learn about their special sister and think of ideas to help others in her memory.
3) She also made me a more patient and involved parent. I know a lot of people who are really good parents. But I feel different from a lot of them. I don't want to offend anyone, because I know that most people love their kids and feel like they are a true gift (and I would NEVER wish my experiences on anyone that I know). But I have a different perspective on the whole parenting gig. I know that by seeing the worst that can happen to your child I have a unique perspective on raising a child. Braelyn has made me cherish every single moment with Cole. Sure there are still moments when I get frustrated with him, but I can chill out and remember that he's just a baby and I'm so incredibly blessed to have him here with me. She has taught me to slow down and enjoy the little things. I would rather sit down on the floor and build towers with blocks a million and one times than worry about doing the dishes that are piling up in the sink. I know that had it not been for Braelyn, I would have been worrying about when I was going to find the time to clean my house and possibly ignoring Cole's requests to play with him. I'm so thankful for this lesson. The time is already going too fast with Cole and I don't want him to ever think that I didn't have time to have fun with him because I was worried about doing something else. I know that when he's grown up I'll have plenty of time to clean and organize. But for right now, I want to enjoy the moments. So if you come over, excuse this mess we call Toddler Land in our living room :)
I don't post much on here about Braelyn anymore. I am at a place in my life where I do feel true happiness and joy about the life that I'm living. I have my moments of feeling sad and sorry for myself, but those moments are rare. Mostly I am just thankful to have gotten a new perspective on life before my boys were born. The experiences I had are making me a much better mom (and wife). I love my boys so much, but I will always keep a special place in my heart for my sweet baby girl.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day. I know that it's a day to remember the men who have served our Country to bring us freedom and choices and I for one am very thankful for these men and women. But let's also take a few minutes to remember others that we have loved and lost. Hug your loved ones a little bit tighter and enjoy the little moments that life throws your way.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Brothers!
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| Cole @ 22 Weeks |
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| Baby Brother @ 21 Weeks |
I can't wait to see if these boys look alike! I see some similarities already...but also some differences. Can't wait to meet baby brother. Only 14 more weeks until I meet my goal of 36 weeks. That's when I give him permission to come at any time!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Sit Tight
I'm still here. I know, I should have updated you all by now on what is going on. :)
The good news, is that I'm still cooking this little guy. I'm 21 weeks today! We are on the downhill side of time until delivery. I already can't wait to see this little man. I am so curious to know if he looks like his big brother or if he is completely different. I want to watch him grow, play and think...will he be like Cole or have his own little personality? I think we have a name picked out. It's a name that I love and Matt finally came around to it. Although the other day he said he wasn't 100% sure about it...but he doesn't have any other suggestions. I guess we will see how it turns out. We have a few more months to decide.
At about 19 weeks I decided that I would be better off working from home the rest of my pregnancy. I had been walking as much as 2-3 miles a day at work and having to pull behind a heavy rolling bag with my computer in it. I decided it was just too much stress on my body and I asked my doctor for a note to work from home. They didn't hesitate in giving me the note (which is one out of the million reasons I love my doctors office). My boss has been really supportive of it too. I count my blessings every day that I have a job where I can work from home easily and continue to get paid and not use any sick time until the baby gets here. That is so important to me!
I must know my pregnant self pretty well these days because I knew that something was off. I went to the doctor and we found out that my cervix was starting to funnel open at the top where the baby's head is. I went from sitting most of the time to sitting on the couch for over a week w/out really getting up...except to go to the bathroom. It's so hard having a 16 month old at home and not being allowed to do anything. Matt has been an awesome dad and husband. He doesn't complain at all about having to be super dad around the house. He does such a great job with Cole and he is always attentive to my needs too. I am such a lucky girl to have Matt. It's funny how housework seems less important than ever to me right now. I just know there is not enough time in the day to care for Cole, work, and run errands to keep our lives going. Something has to suffer-- and it's housework over here. But, we are lucky enough to have my mom come to help us in that department. Last week she came and worked her cleaning magic on my living room and kitchen. It made me feel so much better knowing that I had a clean house. I am so appreciative of my mom and everything she's done for us. She made sure to bring us food too!! And if you know my mom, you know she is a great cook. This pregnant lady is fattening up with all of the great food.
My mom also came a few weekends ago to stay with Cole and I because Matt was scheduled to run his first half marathon in Indianapolis! I really didn't want Matt to have to cancel his run just because I can't be home with Cole by myself. My mom was awesome about coming over for a few days to stay and help. We had so much fun with her here! It was nice to just have some time to catch up with her by myself (well, Cole was running around like a crazy man in the background...). I am so proud of Matt for finishing his first (and as he says, last) half marathon. He trained hard for it and did great! He ran with his dad and sister-- a little family event. Matt said he thought it was funny he was going to run a half marathon to relax from running a full marathon around the house the last few weeks. I know we are keeping him so busy, but again, we are so grateful for his good attitude about it all. I feel like I'm being lazy...but I know it's necessary in order to keep this baby in until he is ready to thrive. Matt says I'm not being lazy, I'm growing a human. I guess when you look at it like that it's not so bad. :)
With all of the sitting I've been doing, the funneling went away. That's great news to my ears. My cervix is still really long for this point in pregnancy too. Having a cerclage was definitely the way to go with both of my pregnancies, but it's still stressful. It's hard to sit all day and wonder what's going on or if it's shortening. My doctor suggested we measure my cervix once a week until at least 28 weeks. At 28 weeks a baby's viability percentage goes up to nearly 80%. When we had Braelyn a little before 24 weeks, her chance of survival was very small. That's why I will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief when I hit 28 weeks. Now of course, I hope to get another 10 weeks after that! But we are taking baby steps (literally) here.
As when I was pregnant with Cole, it seems like the days go fairly slow, but the weeks go fast. If that even makes sense at all. I have had a lot of good friends checking in on me and that helps to pass the time. My wonderful friend Penny sent us Monical's Pizza for dinner last night. Cole was really happy about that :) I'm thankful for all of the support that we have as we go through the pregnancy journey again to make our family complete-- that's right....this baby will be the last for our family. I'm thrilled we were able to bring Cole a sibling, but I just can't put any of us through the stress that being pregnant brings with it. It's hard enough to do this with one child at home...I can't imagine doing it again with 2 little ones running around. Now I'm just counting down the days to September when our family of 4 is complete!
The good news, is that I'm still cooking this little guy. I'm 21 weeks today! We are on the downhill side of time until delivery. I already can't wait to see this little man. I am so curious to know if he looks like his big brother or if he is completely different. I want to watch him grow, play and think...will he be like Cole or have his own little personality? I think we have a name picked out. It's a name that I love and Matt finally came around to it. Although the other day he said he wasn't 100% sure about it...but he doesn't have any other suggestions. I guess we will see how it turns out. We have a few more months to decide.
At about 19 weeks I decided that I would be better off working from home the rest of my pregnancy. I had been walking as much as 2-3 miles a day at work and having to pull behind a heavy rolling bag with my computer in it. I decided it was just too much stress on my body and I asked my doctor for a note to work from home. They didn't hesitate in giving me the note (which is one out of the million reasons I love my doctors office). My boss has been really supportive of it too. I count my blessings every day that I have a job where I can work from home easily and continue to get paid and not use any sick time until the baby gets here. That is so important to me!
I must know my pregnant self pretty well these days because I knew that something was off. I went to the doctor and we found out that my cervix was starting to funnel open at the top where the baby's head is. I went from sitting most of the time to sitting on the couch for over a week w/out really getting up...except to go to the bathroom. It's so hard having a 16 month old at home and not being allowed to do anything. Matt has been an awesome dad and husband. He doesn't complain at all about having to be super dad around the house. He does such a great job with Cole and he is always attentive to my needs too. I am such a lucky girl to have Matt. It's funny how housework seems less important than ever to me right now. I just know there is not enough time in the day to care for Cole, work, and run errands to keep our lives going. Something has to suffer-- and it's housework over here. But, we are lucky enough to have my mom come to help us in that department. Last week she came and worked her cleaning magic on my living room and kitchen. It made me feel so much better knowing that I had a clean house. I am so appreciative of my mom and everything she's done for us. She made sure to bring us food too!! And if you know my mom, you know she is a great cook. This pregnant lady is fattening up with all of the great food.
My mom also came a few weekends ago to stay with Cole and I because Matt was scheduled to run his first half marathon in Indianapolis! I really didn't want Matt to have to cancel his run just because I can't be home with Cole by myself. My mom was awesome about coming over for a few days to stay and help. We had so much fun with her here! It was nice to just have some time to catch up with her by myself (well, Cole was running around like a crazy man in the background...). I am so proud of Matt for finishing his first (and as he says, last) half marathon. He trained hard for it and did great! He ran with his dad and sister-- a little family event. Matt said he thought it was funny he was going to run a half marathon to relax from running a full marathon around the house the last few weeks. I know we are keeping him so busy, but again, we are so grateful for his good attitude about it all. I feel like I'm being lazy...but I know it's necessary in order to keep this baby in until he is ready to thrive. Matt says I'm not being lazy, I'm growing a human. I guess when you look at it like that it's not so bad. :)
With all of the sitting I've been doing, the funneling went away. That's great news to my ears. My cervix is still really long for this point in pregnancy too. Having a cerclage was definitely the way to go with both of my pregnancies, but it's still stressful. It's hard to sit all day and wonder what's going on or if it's shortening. My doctor suggested we measure my cervix once a week until at least 28 weeks. At 28 weeks a baby's viability percentage goes up to nearly 80%. When we had Braelyn a little before 24 weeks, her chance of survival was very small. That's why I will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief when I hit 28 weeks. Now of course, I hope to get another 10 weeks after that! But we are taking baby steps (literally) here.
As when I was pregnant with Cole, it seems like the days go fairly slow, but the weeks go fast. If that even makes sense at all. I have had a lot of good friends checking in on me and that helps to pass the time. My wonderful friend Penny sent us Monical's Pizza for dinner last night. Cole was really happy about that :) I'm thankful for all of the support that we have as we go through the pregnancy journey again to make our family complete-- that's right....this baby will be the last for our family. I'm thrilled we were able to bring Cole a sibling, but I just can't put any of us through the stress that being pregnant brings with it. It's hard enough to do this with one child at home...I can't imagine doing it again with 2 little ones running around. Now I'm just counting down the days to September when our family of 4 is complete!
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| Cole enjoying his Monical's Pizza! |
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| Just being silly wearing mom's glasses :) |
Thursday, May 2, 2013
A Much Needed Message...
This is a good verse that I saw today written on my church's Facebook wall. I needed to hear these words and keep them close in my mind.
When you don’t see His plan; when you don’t understand; when you can’t see His hand, trust His heart! Romans 15:13
I'll write more soon. There has been an interesting (and somewhat expected) turn of events in my pregnancy this week. Let's just say I'm down for the count...
When you don’t see His plan; when you don’t understand; when you can’t see His hand, trust His heart! Romans 15:13
I'll write more soon. There has been an interesting (and somewhat expected) turn of events in my pregnancy this week. Let's just say I'm down for the count...
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| He is so cute! |
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
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