Sit Tight

I'm still here.  I know, I should have updated you all by now on what is going on.  :)

The good news, is that I'm still cooking this little guy.  I'm 21 weeks today!  We are on the downhill side of time until delivery.  I already can't wait to see this little man.  I am so curious to know if he looks like his big brother or if he is completely different.  I want to watch him grow, play and think...will he be like Cole or have his own little personality?  I think we have a name picked out.  It's a name that I love and Matt finally came around to it.  Although the other day he said he wasn't 100% sure about it...but he doesn't have any other suggestions.  I guess we will see how it turns out.  We have a few more months to decide.

At about 19 weeks I decided that I would be better off working from home the rest of my pregnancy.  I had been walking as much as 2-3 miles a day at work and having to pull behind a heavy rolling bag with my computer in it.  I decided it was just too much stress on my body and I asked my doctor for a note to work from home.  They didn't hesitate in giving me the note (which is one out of the million reasons I love my doctors office).  My boss has been really supportive of it too.  I count my blessings every day that I have a job where I can work from home easily and continue to get paid and not use any sick time until the baby gets here.  That is so important to me!

I must know my pregnant self pretty well these days because I knew that something was off.  I went to the doctor and we found out that my cervix was starting to funnel open at the top where the baby's head is.  I went from sitting most of the time to sitting on the couch for over a week w/out really getting up...except to go to the bathroom.  It's so hard having a 16 month old at home and not being allowed to do anything.  Matt has been an awesome dad and husband.  He doesn't complain at all about having to be super dad around the house.  He does such a great job with Cole and he is always attentive to my needs too.  I am such a lucky girl to have Matt.  It's funny how housework seems less important than ever to me right now.  I just know there is not enough time in the day to care for Cole, work, and run errands to keep our lives going.  Something has to suffer-- and it's housework over here.  But, we are lucky enough to have my mom come to help us in that department.  Last week she came and worked her cleaning magic on my living room and kitchen.  It made me feel so much better knowing that I had a clean house.  I am so appreciative of my mom and everything she's done for us.  She made sure to bring us food too!!  And if you know my mom, you know she is a great cook.  This pregnant lady is fattening up with all of the great food.

My mom also came a few weekends ago to stay with Cole and I because Matt was scheduled to run his first half marathon in Indianapolis!  I really didn't want Matt to have to cancel his run just because I can't be home with Cole by myself.  My mom was awesome about coming over for a few days to stay and help.  We had so much fun with her here!  It was nice to just have some time to catch up with her by myself (well, Cole was running around like a crazy man in the background...).  I am so proud of Matt for finishing his first (and as he says, last) half marathon.  He trained hard for it and did great!  He ran with his dad and sister-- a little family event.  Matt said he thought it was funny he was going to run a half marathon to relax from running a full marathon around the house the last few weeks.  I know we are keeping him so busy, but again, we are so grateful for his good attitude about it all.  I feel like I'm being lazy...but I know it's necessary in order to keep this baby in until he is ready to thrive.  Matt says I'm not being lazy, I'm growing a human.  I guess when you look at it like that it's not so bad. :)

With all of the sitting I've been doing, the funneling went away.  That's great news to my ears.  My cervix is still really long for this point in pregnancy too.  Having a cerclage was definitely the way to go with both of my pregnancies, but it's still stressful.  It's hard to sit all day and wonder what's going on or if it's shortening.  My doctor suggested we measure my cervix once a week until at least 28 weeks.  At 28 weeks a baby's viability percentage goes up to nearly 80%.  When we had Braelyn a little before 24 weeks, her chance of survival was very small.  That's why I will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief when I hit 28 weeks.  Now of course, I hope to get another 10 weeks after that!  But we are taking baby steps (literally) here.

As when I was pregnant with Cole, it seems like the days go fairly slow, but the weeks go fast.  If that even makes sense at all.  I have had a lot of good friends checking in on me and that helps to pass the time.  My wonderful friend Penny sent us Monical's Pizza for dinner last night.  Cole was really happy about that :)  I'm thankful for all of the support that we have as we go through the pregnancy journey again to make our family complete-- that's right....this baby will be the last for our family.  I'm thrilled we were able to bring Cole a sibling, but I just can't put any of us through the stress that being pregnant brings with it.  It's hard enough to do this with one child at home...I can't imagine doing it again with 2 little ones running around.  Now I'm just counting down the days to September when our family of 4 is complete!

Cole enjoying his Monical's Pizza!

Just being silly wearing mom's glasses :)

A Much Needed Message...

This is a good verse that I saw today written on my church's Facebook wall.  I needed to hear these words and keep them close in my mind.

When you don’t see His plan; when you don’t understand; when you can’t see His hand, trust His heart! Romans 15:13

I'll write more soon.  There has been an interesting (and somewhat expected) turn of events in my pregnancy this week.  Let's just say I'm down for the count...

He is so cute!

Little Brother!

Project Kardia

My good friend, Maegan, started a project recently called Project Kardia.  The goal is to make and donate blankets to children undergoing heart surgeries.  Maegan has been a heart warrior herself--three times now.  She is paying her good fortune forward to others going through similar struggles.  I admire her ambition with this project as well as her fight for her health!  She's one awesome lady.

I made a few blankets today to donate.  I am not a great seamstress by any means, but they were made with love and I hope they will fulfill their purpose of making some special kids know that they are cared about.

If you are interested in helping let me know!  Also, you can check out her Facebook page here:  https://www.facebook.com/ProjectKardia

I donated this one in memory of Camron Houchens.  He is the son of one of my good high
school friends who fought against CHD and sadly passed away.  But his memory lives on!

We Are Pregnant!?!?!?!

So I have been promising to write about how we found out we were expecting again.  I am finally getting around to it :)

It's funny how with Braelyn & Cole we had everything timed down to the minute.  I had a calendar with each IVF cycle that was so crammed full of information and dates and times and doses of medication that you quite literally could not fit another thing on the page.  I am such a planner, so aside from all of the emotional ups and downs that come along with IVF, having such a calendar was great for me.  I knew exactly when to expect a phone call from my RE's office telling me if I was pregnant or not.  I never took any home pregnancy tests when I was doing IVF because with the medications you take, you can get a false positive and I just couldn't set myself up to be disappointed any more than I knew I already could potentially be.  I remember the phone call that told me I was pregnant with Braelyn and the one I got for Cole.  I can tell you where I was standing when I heard the news, who told me the news, and the feeling of pure shock-- holy cow,  we are really going to be parents!

Fast forward now to this baby...

Back in January I wrote a post about how we wanted to have more kids but we just were not sure if we would be able to.  Our health insurance changed at the beginning of the year, which meant no more infertility coverage.  We didn't want to spend all of our savings on doing IVF again because we wanted to be able to provide for Cole.  We didn't really want to adopt at this point in time.  We felt kind of stuck.  Don't get me wrong, being a family of 3 has been completely awesome.  Especially when you consider the fact that we are SO blessed to even have Cole.  Well anyway, after I wrote that post, Matt and I had a brutally honest conversation.  We decided that we were not going to go through infertility treatments again.  We decided that we were a happy and healthy family of 3 and that's how it was going to stay.  And to be honest with you all, I felt a lot of pressure come off of my shoulders that has been there for the last 4 years.  I no longer would have to worry about needle pricks, medications, financial stress, and crazy emotions.  After we talked I immediately felt happy and at peace with the decision we made.  I knew the decision was made together, and that Matt didn't feel one way and me another.  We were united in our decision and that is what sealed the deal for me.  No more worrying about having a baby!!

Little did we know that when I posted that entry on my blog, and then a few days later when we had our chat, I was actually already pregnant.  Isn't God funny?  Took me 4 years to come to terms with being done with all of the stress and then BAM, not what God had in mind for our family.

Starting the week of January 7, I was feeling a bit off.  I can't even explain what made me feel like something was different because I didn't have any major symptoms.  I just felt different.  I didn't really pay too much attention to this feeling.  And because I was so busy it was easy to push it aside.  I do recall jokingly saying to Matt that maybe I was pregnant and I should take a home pregnancy test.  We both got a good laugh at that and moved on with our day.

Then the week of January 14, I came home from busy days at work and played with/cared for Cole for a few hours each evening and once he went to bed I was immediately falling asleep on the couch.  For those who know me well, you know that I am an early to bed kind of person so it wasn't entirely out of character for me...but 8:00 was pretty early!  I would sit down on the couch for a few minutes, and wake up 3 hours later from Matt telling me to go upstairs to bed.  After about 3 nights in a row of this I realized that I really could be pregnant.  My main symptom with Braelyn and Cole was just being so tired I could barely function.  Then again, work and my home life were busy too...so I thought maybe it was just my body's way of telling me to slow down.  I kind of shrugged off the pregnancy thought again.

On January 17, I decided in my mind that I was probably crazy for thinking that I could be pregnant without medical intervention, but that if I was for some reason then I needed to know.  I needed to know for many reasons.  One reason is because I would need to be on medication to prevent an early miscarriage.  Two is because I would need to get a cerclage again at 9 weeks.  And third, I just needed to ensure I was getting prompt prenatal care.  So once Matt went to work that morning I pulled out a home pregnancy test that I had purchased a while back, but never used.  I peed on the stick and about 30 seconds after it was showing two bright lines.  I had to read the box about 30 times to make myself realize that two lines means pregnant!!!  I kept talking myself out of it and saying it was a fluke and a mistake.  I had one more test in the box.  I waited about an hour and then tried the second one.  Same thing!  What the heck!?!?!  There was no way I could believe it.

I called my doctor's office immediately after taking the second test.  I remember my hands were shaking as I dialed the phone.  When the nurse answered and I told her my thoughts she was ecstatic!  Since I've had a high risk pregnancy, the entire office knows us by name.  They told me to book it down to their office as soon as possible b/c they wanted to see me to also confirm the news.  I was there in about 15 minutes.  All this time, Matt was at work and had no idea what was going on.  I couldn't break the news to him without being 100% sure.  Once I was at the doctors office they did another test, which also came back positive...even after seeing the 3rd one I still was skeptical.  Then they took a blood test.   And next we did a sonogram to see how far along I was.  I was nervous about the sonogram because I so badly wanted to see something growing in there, but I just couldn't get it out of my mind that this was all some sick joke.  They did the scan and there it was.  A perfect little blob on the screen...measuring at 4 weeks.  I just could not believe it.  But from that moment on I could not wipe the smile off of my face!

I went home after my appointment and Matt was coming home for lunch.  I forgot to mention to you all that we had plans to go on vacation to North Carolina in early September to visit Matt's dad and step-mom.  We already booked our place to stay and had begun saving up our money for the trip.  This year's trip would be really fun because Cole would love the water and sand even more than he did last year.  We were really looking forward to it and talked about it at least once a week.  Once Matt came in the door he said hi and started to make his lunch.  I asked him if he would be upset if we had to cancel our vacation in September.  He gave me a weird look and said why would we cancel our plans? So I told him that instead of vacation in September we were going to have a baby!  He had the same look of shock on his face that I had on mine earlier in the day.  But it quickly turned into a huge smile.  He said that was so awesome and that would be a great reason to not go on vacation!  The entire rest of the day we kept sending each other IM's at work saying "can you believe this is real?".

I still can't believe this is real some days.  I'm 16 weeks along tomorrow and I still smile every time I think about what a surprise this was.  I'll be forever grateful to know what it's like to pee on a stick and find out by SURPRISE I am pregnant.  I never thought in a million years I would get to have this experience.  I absolutely cannot wait to become a family of 4!  I love this little tiny bean as much as I love my Cole Man and Braelyn.  I'm very excited to see what the future holds for all of us.

We will find out in 2 weeks if we are having a boy or a girl.  I don't care one way or the other.  A boy would be awesome since Cole would have a built in best buddy!  Two boys so close in age makes me smile every time I think about it.  And I just love Cole and his boyish attitude so much that I can absolutely picture having another one of him!  Then again, a girl would be great too.  I know that I have a daughter, but it would be fun to have one here on Earth with me.  I have such an awesome relationship with my mom and I want that with a daughter of my own.  God already knows whether a boy or a girl is in store for our family and what the perfect fit is.  This entire pregnancy I felt like it was going to be a girl, but then the very early sono prediction was looking like maybe it would be a boy.  Who knows.  But, I can't wait to find out who will be joining our family.  I'll definitely keep you updated once we find out.   Then the fun part of trying to agree on a name will start...ugh!

Thanks for all of the love and support you give to us.  This journey is not quite over yet, but so far we are praising God for getting me to 16 weeks without any complications.  The next 12 weeks will be a true test, but I know that I'm up for the challenge and that God will see us through.  September is just around the corner!

(EARLY) Gender News

Today we had an ultrasound to check on Baby Bean.  Everything was 100% perfect.  I'm so grateful every time we go in to still see the heart beating strong.  The baby was very active and wiggled around the whole time.  It's amazing to see how much the baby has changed in 4 weeks time.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again - we are sooooo lucky to be able to see our little one's so often.  Although the cost of this privilege was great, I am happy we get to check on our babies and make sure they are going to make it to full term.

Today I am 13 weeks 6 days, and the baby was measuring 14 weeks 2 days.  Measuring a few days ahead is always a good thing.  The baby weighs about 3 oz and we could see that all of the body parts were formed...we even saw some fingers!  The heart rate was 157 beats per minute- which still indicates a girl if you go by the wives tale.  BUT....when the nurse scanned between the legs of this child I am pretty sure it's a BOY!  Our sonographer would not make a guess if it is a boy or girl b/c she said it is really early to tell and both parts can look similar at this point.  I could have sworn I was going to have a girl...but now that I've seen everything I think it's a boy.  I could still definitely be wrong.  We go back for another ultrasound in 4 weeks and at that time we will be able to probably tell for sure.  So until then, I'm not sure I'm settling on either gender.

I will definitely update when we know in 4 weeks.  I am a planner and I want to know so badly.  Matt said he won't even start thinking about names until we know...so we need to hurry up and get to that time!  I know a boy name that I LOVE and am trying to convince him we should use.  I'm not set on any girl names that I like so far.  Maybe that's a sign....  I would love to do a gender reveal like my sister did, but it just becomes too complicated and it's not worth the stress to me.  So I'll just make a mass announcement in the very near future.

I would love to have a girl for obvious reasons.  It'd be so fun to have one of each.  I would love to do mother daughter things with someone.  I am so close to my mom that I do want to carry on a relationship like that in the future.  However, when the thought was put into my mind this morning that it very well could be a boy all I could picture was my two little guys being best buds, getting into mischief together, laughing together, and just being everything that brothers should be.  I couldn't have been more excited to think about all of the fun possibilities that come along with raising two boys.  And I just love Cole so much that sometimes I do wish I had two of him!  So I guess time will tell, but the good thing is that I don't care one bit either way.  I'm not someone who will ever be upset or disappointed if I get one gender versus the other.  I mean how could someone?  Every single baby is a miraculous blessing from God.

One things for sure though, if this baby is a boy then Little Miss Kinley is going to have to get her bossy shoes on to keep all three boys in line!  She will also be extra spoiled by this auntie because I will have to get my fill of buying girlie stuff in somehow. :)  I can just picture all 4 kids together already.  I'm really looking forward to what the next few years bring for our family.

It's hard to believe that I'm already over 1/3 of the way done with this pregnancy.  The time is flying so much faster than it did with Cole.  I'll be happier when I'm 2/3 of the way done because then I will know that my baby will be safe(r).  My cervix is measuring at an excellent length and there are no concerns right now.  That's the best kind of news to hear each time I visit the doctor.

Thanks for continuing to read my blog!  I do have a few other posts I want to make and I'm trying to be better about logging on here a few times a month to update.  The first trimester tiredness is leaving me and I can tell I have more energy!!  I'll be back soon!

Do they make a 24 hour energy drink? If so, I need one!

I have been gone from my blog forever.  I feel bad as I really have wanted to post some updates, but I have just been too darn tired to do anything at the end of each day.  I'll be 13 weeks pregnant on Tuesday!  I think I may be getting some of my energy back now.

I just cannot believe how fast the time is flying by during this pregnancy.  With Cole I felt like I noticed every single second that ticked by on the clock.  It was quite possibly the very longest 9 month time span of my life.  I was a nervous wreck always thinking something was wrong.  I think I had too much free time to just sit and think.  This time, I am still working full time, but now I have Cole to care for at home too.  After being at work all day we come home and spend about 2 hours with Cole Man before he goes to bed.  At that point I have to try and catch up around the house with various tasks and then before I know it I have about 30 free minutes before it's time for me to go to bed.  That's not to say the only time I spend thinking about this pregnancy is in those 30 free minutes, but it is much different than when I was pregnant with Cole.  I am glad for the distractions in my life.  It takes away from the worry and uncertainty of everything.  With working, taking care of Cole, and being pregnant and in my first trimester I was exhausted....and I'm looking forward to having some energy back and the weather getting nicer.  I want to try and fit in a lot of fun things outdoors with Cole before I may have to be on the dreaded couch rest for the rest of my pregnancy.

I do still want to post about how I found out I was pregnant, but I'll save that for another post.  To catch you up to speed on what's going on around here:

- I will be 13 weeks pregnant on Tuesday!  A huge milestone!  Hello 2nd Trimester.

- Cole Man is just about 15 months old.  He is so full of life and energy.  He is learning new things every single day and continues to amaze us with how smart he is (I'm sure every parent says that about their kid, but seriously, mine is a genius).  :)  My favorite thing he does is "wink".  It is so adorable and I can't get enough of his cheesy grin when he does it too.

- Matt and I are really busy at work.  We ended up being put on the same project too...so not only do we see each other most of the day, but at night too.  And as you can imagine our nightly conversations always end up being about work and we have to cut ourselves off.  I'm not getting paid enough to continue the work conversations 5 hours after going home :)

- We have seen Kate, Kyle, Kamden, and Kinley quite a bit lately.  I can't get enough of the twin babies.  They are sooooo adorable and sweet.  I love watching them grow and I can't wait until they are old enough to run around with cousin Cole.  Cole loves them too and everytime he sees one of the babies he gives them a hug (well he lays his head down on them).   I would go over and hold the babies every single day if I could.  This is when I wish we lived in the same town so I could go hang out over there after I get off of work.  My sister and Kyle are such great parents too.  I'm so proud of them!

- We have also been hanging out with my mom and dad a lot.  And I love every second of it.  Cole is so over the moon in love with Grandma and Grandpa.  He LOVES to be at their house.  They have done so much to make it easy for us to be at their house.  They have all of the accessories that we need while being away from home.  My old bedroom has become the "Toy Room".  There are a lot of fun toys that Cole has been checking out.  I'm so glad he gets to spend time over there and get to know them.  He could care less if we drop him off and leave when he is there.  I envision so many good times ahead for Cole at their house.  He will love being outside in the big backyard.  I hope that he has some of the same memories that I have as a child from that house and yard.  It's an amazing place to be a kid. He is so lucky that Grandma and Grandpa are wrapped around his little finger.

- We are also so glad that my brother, Luke, and his girlfriend, Margo, are back from Arizona.  We missed them over the last several years.  It's so fun to watch them interact with Cole.  I can tell Cole already has Uncle Luke under his spell.  I think Uncle Luke would do anything Cole wanted.  It's fun to see a different side of Luke.  And it's fun to have him back to tease back and forth with.  I have missed his witty sense of humor.  And us girls have had a lot of fun with Margo lately too...well except when she is hogging the twins.... :)

- I have been to the doctor several times during this pregnancy so far.  Everything is going great!  We haven't seen any indications of problems which is encouraging.  But as you know, my worry is never about the first trimester.  It's about the second.  So we are getting ready this week to enter into the time of nervousness and lots of doctor appointments.  I still love my doctors office, and I know we are in amazing hands.  They take such good care of us and I know they will do anything in their power to get us another healthy full term baby.  So far almost every appointment the heart rate of this baby has been in the 160's.  I'm really thinking it's going to be a girl.  I have thought that from the very beginning.  I have felt a bit more queasy in the mornings this time than I did with Cole.  Obviously we are not picky in the least, so whether we have a boy or a girl we will be 100% happy.   I had my cerclage placed at 9 weeks, on 2/21.  Everything went as well as it could with that surgery and hopefully that means we will make it to at least 37 weeks!  We have an appointment on 3/25 and we will do a sonogram that day.  I am hoping they can take an early guess as to what the gender is.  If not, we only really have to wait a few more weeks to find out for sure.  It'll be so fun to know.

Well, I will try to be better about updating.  There are a few things I do want to share in the near future, so check back.  I'm sorry I've been terrible about keeping everyone updated.  I swear I am getting energy back so now I have no excuse...well except working full time and caring for a 15 month old...ok, no excuses!  I WILL post again soon!

Thanks for still reading my blog!