Braelyn's 7th Birthday

You've probably seen the saying "I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers" - Anne of Green Gables.  And if you haven't, you might now that we are entering into the month of October.  October in the Midwest is so so beautiful.  The air is crisp, and we've lost that summer humidity.  The leaves on the trees begin to turn bright colors of yellow, orange, and red.  The sky is a bright blue and the sun is shining on the best days.  Pumpkins are brought out to decorate with and cozy sweatshirts can finally be worn again.  There are many fun activities that commemorate each fall season.  In my opinion it's the best time of the year.

Many of you know this, but October also marks the birth and death of our only daughter.  It would be so easy for me to hate the month of October.  Struggling to be able to have children, finally getting pregnant, and then holding my daughter as she passed from this world was a lot to bear on that sunny October day in 2010.  October's will never be the same in my world.  Each year as the air turns crisp and the leaves begin to turn, my thoughts are always with Braelyn and thinking about who she would be this year.  This marks 7 years since we so quickly had to say goodbye.  The bitterness of not being able to get to know her is still in my heart, but it has faded some.

I can't imagine living in a world without Octobers because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to call Braelyn my own.  I wouldn't have been touched by her short life in a way that has changed who I am to my core.  I can truly say that in a world without October's I wouldn't be the mom, wife, friend, etc. that I am today.  Many people have been touched over the last seven years because of the acts of kindness that we engage in each year to celebrate her birthday - and a lot of that is thanks to my friends and family, and even strangers who have participated in each activity we've done in her memory.  Without October's, none of that would be possible.

This year, we are choosing not to plan a huge event to celebrate Braelyn's 7th birthday.  We so appreciate everyone's generosity and participation in the past in all of the wonderful things we've chosen to do.  This year finds us in a very busy season with many activities and things on our calendar - don't get me wrong, this isn't a complaint as I know I longed for years to have this with our children, and I am so grateful.  But, it does limit us on the capacity that we have to coordinate a large undertaking like some of the things we've done in the past few years.  However, we truly believe that one small random act of kindness can hold the same power that all of the larger events have had.

This year would you join us in doing a random act of kindness in the month of October?  It can be anything - something as simple as buying a cup of coffee for the person in line behind you.  The possibilities are endless.  In a world where there is so much hurt, pain and negativity, let's all show love, kindness, and acceptance to those around us.

This year, October 7 is Braelyn's Golden Birthday.  To celebrate, we plan to take the boys to Chicago.  We are going to the Lincoln Park Zoo, to lunch at The Rainforest Cafe, and we'll finish up our day with a ride on the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier.  Our random act of kindness will be making up care packages for the homeless and distributing them downtown Chicago.  We want to show them that they are noticed, loved, and cared about.

If you feel so inclined to share what your random act of kindness is, we'd love to hear about it.  We enjoy knowing how our daughter has impacted this world and made it a better place.  But if you'd rather do something in private, that's wonderful and respected too.

We love all of you and thank you for the support you've shown to us year after year.

Happy #7 Braelyn!

Braelyn's 6th Birthday

Today is Braelyn's 6th birthday.  Life for us is so different than it was six years ago.  Six years ago was the first time I truly understood what a mothers love felt like.  It was also the first time I was truly fearful that I would never be pregnant again and bring home a live baby.  But God had other plans in store for our family.  Of course I wish every day that Braelyn was a part of our living family, but I truly believe that one day we will all be reunited in Heaven.  If you would have asked me on October 7, 2010 if I'd be okay, I probably would have told you yes - but at that moment, I didn't know what okay was going to look like and I really don't know if I would have believed my answer.  Now, six years later, I can tell you that I am better than okay.  I am truly happy being a mom to two incredibly cute and rambunctious boys.  I would have given up everything to be their mom, and in some ways I did give it all up on that day in October 2010.  If it were not for Braelyn being born when she was, I would never have these exact two boys that I get to love on each day.

I have a deep appreciation for her short life and the lasting impact its made on my own life.  That day was the make or break moment of fully trusting God and what He had in store for my future.  Luckily I chose to stick close to Him to see what he was going to do with my heartache - and it's made such a difference in my life.  If you are going through a difficult situation, put your trust in God and choose to praise him in your storm.  I understand that it's easier said than done, but trust me, it'll be a game changer!  Thank you all for the incredible love you show me year after year.  I have family and old friends that in some way experienced that heartbreaking day with me who continue to support our family and our cause each year.  I also have brand new friends who participated in our donation this year and I'm so grateful for those friendships and support that they have shown when it would be so easy to gloss over this part of who I am.

This is really the only picture I have of just the three of us

As you know, this year we decided to donate school supplies to Hudson Elementary School since Braelyn would have been in Kindergarten.  We were once again so blessed this year with participation from our friends and family.  We collected a TON of supplies!  We appreciate each and every one of you that participated!  We continue to be blown away by the support we are receiving 6 years later.  The school was THRILLED to receive our gift.  These supplies will be put to good use and I'd like to think that a little part of Braelyn is actually at Hudson Elementary School this year and maybe for years to come.  For the most part, I know who donated, but a few items arrived with no note of who sent it - so since I will not be able to write a formal thank you to the anonymous people, please take this as my sincere thank you for sending supplies.

Here is a list of what we were able to collect, but my guess is that it's well over a couple hundred dollars of items.  And here are some pictures of the boys helping .  They collected packages each day from our front porch, opened them, organized the supplies, and were able to learn about their sister by participating in our donation this year.

• 35 boxes of Kleenex
• 84 boxes of crayons
• 55 highlighters
• 30 boxes of colored pencils
• 94 Sharpie markers
• 304 pencils
• 75 erasers
• 150 dry erase markers
• 2 packs of index cards
• 12 packs Post-It Notes
• 12 bottles of Purell hand sanitizer
• 2 learning flashcard sets
• 3 rolls of masking tape
• 22 rolls Scotch tape
• Glue 
• 1 gallon refill jug
• 148 glue sticks
• 46 bottles of glue
• 2 pairs of scissors
• 45 boxes of markers
• 11 water color paints
• 5 folders
• 3 packs of construction paper
• 7 packages of wide ruled paper
• 13 packs of printer paper
• 416 gallon sized Ziplock bags
• 1,375 sandwich sized Ziplock bags
• 20 bottles of Chlorox/Lysol wipes
• 29,896 stickers :)
• 4 new nets for the basketball hoops at the school
• Gift cards
• 1 - $25 Meijer
• 2 - $25 Walmart
• 2 - $25 Amazon
• 1 - $40 Amazon
• 3 - $25 Target

You all are so AMAZING!  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!  Happy #6 Baby Girl! 

We are off to hike at Starved Rock this afternoon and of course, grabbing ice cream at Orange Leaf later - as we do for all birthdays in our family.  I say to the boys every morning "It's a good day to have a good day!"  And that couldn't be any more true today!  Love you all!!  

The Empty Chair

It's been a while since I have visited this blog.  It's funny how grief works sometimes - you move forward and you feel ok, even great, most days, but then another milestone comes up and you start to feel restless.  This blog has been a connecting point for me with Braelyn - both with her memories and to help me write my feelings to try and make sense of them.  It feels good to go back and read things I've written in the past to see how much progress I've made, so I guess that's why I'm deciding to write this down...for future me to read again to prove that I survived another milestone.

This year there will be an empty chair in the Kindergarten classroom.  School supplies left unpurchased.  No new backpack hanging on the hook, or new shoes left haphazardly by the door after school.  No "1st Day of School" pictures to take.  No lunches to pack.  No buses to catch.  No homework to do in the evenings.  No report cards to praise.  No extracurricular activities to sign up for.  No new friends coming over to our house to play.  No school pictures to hang on the walls.  No sounds of a little girls laughter or excitement to share about her day at our dinner table each evening.

Each passing year has been hard in it's own way since losing Braelyn.  But this is the year that I've been anxious about.  This is the year she would have gone to Kindergarten.  That moment where as a parent you are both excited beyond belief for your kiddo, but at the same time nervous - will they make friends, will they be okay all day at a new place, will they figure out how to get on the right bus in the afternoon, will they like their teacher, will they be excited to learn...  This is a HUGE milestone for every child!  This is the year where they are not a baby anymore.  This is the year you learn to trust a building full of people you don't know with your most precious gift.  But our house will go on as if it's just another regular day.  Nothing changes this year for us like it should have.

I know that I am one of the lucky ones.  I've battled and won against the monster of infertility.  I've battled and came out broken, but alive, from child loss.  I finally have two boys in my house that fill my days with laughter, love, and sometimes a touch of insanity too.  But there is always still something missing.  It's been almost 6 years since she made her brief appearance - but I often wonder what our family would be like with her as a living part of it.

This year, when you send your babies off to school, do me a favor - remember mine.  Remember that she would have gone to school this year too and we would have been so excited about this new phase of life.  Remember her as you shop for school supplies, new clothes, shoes, and backpacks.  Kiss those big kids of yours one extra time for me as you drop them off on the first day at the door of their school, or before you watch them climb the steps onto the bus.  Enjoy each moment that this school year has to bring if you can.  I know it'll be hard and I know you will have moments where you are frustrated and just plain stressed out.  But you get to experience this with your child - and that's all that really matters!  Remember how incredibly blessed we all are in this journey of life.

Each year we choose to do something that helps others around us in Braelyn's honor.  This year since she would have gone to Kindergarten, we thought it would be fitting to collect school supplies that we can donate to Hudson Elementary School - where she would have been enrolled.  If we collect an over abundance of supplies, we'll spread the love to other schools as well.  I've researched what types of supplies the school would like to have and I put together an Amazon Wish List (it seemed to work really well last year with the book drive).  We will plan to start our collection now, since it's the best time of year to shop for school supplies, and we will deliver our gifts to the school(s) on her birthday in October.

Here are your options for donating if you wish:

• Amazon Wish List (can ship directly to me):  Braelyn School List 2016
• Shop at any store around you and I'll pick up your donation from you.
• Teachers are always appreciative of gift cards from the following:  Amazon, Target, Walmart
• If you want to send money to me, I'd be happy to shop for you. 

Thank you again for your support over the years.  We love all of you and are so thankful to have people in our lives who have helped us make it through each year.  It feels so good to do nice things for others, and with your help each year we can make a lasting impact to those near and far.  We LOVE you all!!

FIVE

"I am so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." ~Anne of Green Gables

Five years.  That’s enough time for so many things to change in life.  Five years brings people in and out of your life.  It is enough time to set goals and accomplish them.  It brings family and career changes. Five years is enough time to celebrate large milestones.  Five years is a long time to miss someone who isn’t here with you.  

Obviously life has continued to move forward.  Some days it seems the speed at which my life is moving forward is incredibly fast.  In the last 5 years I’ve had 3 babies, had a few role changes at work, taken a few big vacations, and most recently trained for and ran a half marathon.  My days are so full with work and the boys that the weeks and months begin to blur together.  But every year once October hits it’s as if my world stands still for a moment. It may be the crisp fall air or the sun shining through the changing leaves on the trees.  Maybe it’s the comfort of putting on a warm sweatshirt or sleeping with the windows open.  Whatever it is, I’m reminded so much of October 2010.  October equals Braelyn in my world.  It’s being excited about my pregnancy with her, it’s her scary entrance into this world, it’s her heartbreaking exit, and it’s her beautiful fall service to remember her at Lake Evergreen. And each October becomes even more about her as we choose to do something big to commemorate her life while at the same time filling the lives of others with her name. 

I don’t think a year will go by without me thinking “what would she be doing now” or “what would she be like”.  But those questions are also hard because I know we’ll never get to actually experience the answers.  Five is almost a rite of passage for a kid.  No longer a baby or toddler, but a true big kid.  I’m sure my house would be littered with baby dolls, Barbie’s, and pink dress up clothes.  We would probably know every single Disney princess name, own all of the movies, and watch them on repeat.  I bet she’d know how to ride a bike without training wheels, attend Little Kidsview at church, and probably know how to write her name.   She would have long dark brown hair and big brown eyes and maybe a cute little dimple in her chin like her baby brother.  She would fiercely love and adore her brothers.  The three of them would have so much fun together.  All of these thoughts make me smile but I quickly get a lump in my throat because it’s all just a dream.   It’s like when you were a little kid and you dreamed up what your exact family would be like when you grew up, but then that perfect dream fades into reality and life is so different.

Don’t feel sorry for me though.  My life has turned out beautifully.  Even more so than I could have imagined or planned out for myself – it’s just different than what I originally pictured.  I’ve said this before, but I truly believe it. Braelyn has changed me at my core.  I am not the same person I once was or dreamt to be.  My life goals, what I consider to be important milestones, and ideas of success have evolved into something that I can smile and be absolutely sure about.  I am a nicer, more caring, and patient person.  My relationship with Jesus has changed tremendously – and is now at the very heart of my life, relationships, and decisions I’m making.  I can say matter of factly, if I did not know Jesus and the promise of eternal life that he brings to us, I would be in a much different mental state after losing my daughter.  I’m still sad, I still wish the ending was different, but I know that one day I will be reunited with her because Jesus paid for my sins and gives me the promise of eternal life if I choose to believe and follow him.  I can’t image going through a devastating event like this without knowing the promise that lies ahead.  I don’t plan to leave this world anytime soon, but I know when I do I won’t have to be sad because I’ll be on my way to Braelyn and I can’t wait to talk to her again.  

I talk to the boys about Braelyn often.  Clay is starting to say her name when I ask him who his sister is.  Cole gets it a little bit more each time we talk about her.  I think he can tell that I am a mix of happy and sad when we talk about her, because his statements are so caring and innocent.  When I woke him up on October 1st, I told him that it’s now October and his immediate response through sleepy eyes was “Yay!  It’s Braelyn’s birthday now!”  I wasn’t expecting him to say it so it brought tears to my eyes and I told him “yep, buddy, it sure is!”  He loves to color and when I picked him up from daycare earlier in the week he had a picture that he had drawn and he said he wanted to tie it to a balloon and send it up to Heaven for Braelyn.  He knows his tiny sister is living with Jesus in Heaven and often he tells me he wants to put wings on and fly up to Heaven like an angel so he can see her.  It’s hard to tell him that he really can’t do that.  Moments like these make me think about what I would be doing, if much at all, to talk to my boys at this age about Jesus and his love for us and what it means.  I’m honestly not sure I’d be discussing these details of Jesus' love for us with them.  Just another great thing that Braelyn did for us.

You have probably seen on Facebook that this year for Braelyn’s 5^th birthday we chose to collect books for families of babies who are in the NICU.  We chose the titles:  Guess How Much I Love You; On the Night You Were Born; and Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You.  The response was (again) overwhelming this year and we’ve collected so many more books than I imagined we would.  I’d like to say THANK YOU to those of you who have continued to support and love us through each October.  It’s amazing to me that you have not forgotten her after 5 years.  Each year you continue to help us to do something amazing in our community for others in the same circumstances that we’ve been in.  We collected 300 books!  I’m blown away with amazement.  These books will be broken down into packages with one of each book (so 3 books) to give to each family.  We will be taking several of these packages to The Children’s Hospital of IL in Peoria and also to Carle Hospital in Urbana, since both of these places have NICU’s.  We are also going to send a very special package to twin preemie baby girls in Ohio who are showing this world what they are made of.   

Cole has been in his element each day when we get home running to the porch to check for packages.  He has helped me to open each one, read who it is from, and count how many books we got.  It has been so fun this year to see him really get into what we are doing and see what a difference it’s going to make to others.  It feels so good to know Braelyn’s name is on each and every one of those books.  Can you believe 100 families will be touched by your generosity? 101 families if you count mine….we are so blessed to call you friends and family! I appreciate each and every one of you who has supported us in the journey we’ve been on in the last 5 years.  I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.  

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I can’t wait to see what this next year has in store.  I’m already brainstorming ideas for #6. 

Here are some pictures of Braelyn’s Book Drive of 2015 and our special day today.

Cole pointing excitedly to all of the packages on our porch! 

The collection begins. 

Sorting them all into groups of 3.

Packaged in the bags and almost ready for delivery.

Delivering the books in Peoria

Playing at the park after our delivery

At the park Cole found this random pink balloon on the ground.
I think it was a sign from above :) 

Lunch at Bass Pro and a look at the big fish.

Getting ready to let balloons go for Braelyn in Heaven

Cole had this idea because he drew a beautiful picture for Braelyn
and he wanted to send it up to her in Heaven.

There it goes!

Beautiful at the lake, as usual.  One of my favorite spots.

It wouldn't be a birthday in the Corbin house without ice cream
to celebrate! 

Climbing Hills

I have a love/hate relationship with running.  And if I'm being honest, probably more times than not I hate it.  Why I chose to sign up to run a half marathon I have no idea.  Call me crazy!

 

During five years of infertility treatments, pregnancies, long durations of couch rest, and babies that are up all night I neglected myself in the way of exercise.  I used to be in great physical shape and lately when I started thinking about how weak I've become it seemed like I would never be able to make it back to that state.  I went and bought a new pair of running shoes and the next day signed up to run a half marathon in September.  I knew if I didn't set a huge goal for running than I wouldn't actually go out and do it.  

 

When I signed up the race was several months away.  I told myself I'd train slowly and be fine by September.  Just last week I realized that I only have 12 weeks before this race and I'm nowhere near ready.  I printed out a 12 week training plan and I'm trying my best to stick with it.  

 

On Saturday I went out to do a 3 mile run.  Running is such a mental game for me.  I have the hardest time getting started, but once I get going I'm okay.  One thing that I've been doing when I run is trying to use that time to listen to Christian music and pray.  I feel like if I can put the focus on something other than the fact that I’m running I can make it through easier.  Plus that’s time that I get alone (without distraction) where I can focus on what I need to do to build upon my relationship with God, seek ways to have a kinder heart towards people, and refocus on those around me who can use prayers coming their way.  

 

As I was running on Saturday, I knew I’d have to climb a hill towards the end of my run to make it back home.  I was hot and tired and dreading the return trip.  As I began to climb the hill I started to look ahead and felt discouraged.  The hill seemed to be unending and I started to tell myself that I couldn’t make it.  Then I started to stare down at the ground in front of me and I continued to run.  Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to quit because I could feel that it was more strenuous than running on a flat surface, but the fact that I wasn’t seeing the big hill in the horizon made a difference in my mindset.  

I had a revelation that this is just like life sometimes.  So often we are focused on the horizon up ahead and we sometimes see large obstacles (hills) in front of us.  It gets discouraging and we feel like we will never find the strength to make it up that hill to the end goal, so we want to quit and give up.  But this is when we should stop staring ahead and wishing about what could be and just focus on each step along the way.  When you are looking ahead only enough for the next step you forget about the seemingly insurmountable obstacle ahead.  You may move more slowly and it will still be hard, but focusing in on putting one foot in front of the other can keep you moving in the right direction without stopping.  Then the next thing you know, you are at the top of the hill – and better off because you persevered and dug deep to get there.  

 

I can think of several examples in my own life where I have lost focus of the small steps that it takes to get over a giant hurdle.  I’ve become down and discouraged because I’m focused on the hill in front of me.  I’m determined to take the challenging times in life one step at a time from here on out.  

What hills are you facing in your life right now?  Do you agree that focusing on each step one at a time is easier than thinking about how big the hill is?  Or do you have a different opinion?  

Mother's Day 2015

As I reflect on what Mother's Day means to me today, I think about the amazing mothers (my mom and my grandma) that I had the privilege of learning from.  Both were selfless and did everything they could for their families.  They raised us with great values and taught us to do good for others.  We also had a lot of fun.  I realize in this broken world just how lucky we are.  I wish my grandma was still here to see my boys and be a direct part of their lives.  And mom, THANK YOU doesn't do justice to what I want to say to you.  

I always wanted to be a mom.  But mostly just because that was the next destination in life to get to.  You know, after school, graduation, getting a job, getting married....you just had kids next.  When we struggled to have kids my perspective changed.  I no longer wanted kids just because it was the next thing to check off of my list, but because I feared never having the chance to be to someone what my mom was to me.  I wanted to feel the bond between and mom and her children. 

When I got pregnant with Braelyn I felt like the entire world of being a mom was ahead of me, carefree and fun.  She held so many hopes and dreams for us.  She was the one who made me a mom for the first time and there is something so special about that.  When she was born early and died so shortly after my heart was shattered into a million pieces.  It'll always have a missing piece because of her, but she is the one who solely transformed my heart into wanting children for a totally different reason.  She will always be a very important part of my journey in life.

My boy Cole.  He has healed my heart in ways I never thought possible after losing a baby.  He has brought me so much joy and pure happiness.  I love everything about him.  I got to experience every "first" with him.  I get to continuously watch him grow and navigate life in front of him.  I get to answer his "why" question a million times a day.  I have the privilege of steering him towards having a heart for Jesus.  Each day when he tells me a hundred times that he loves me I realize just how incredible it is to be someones mom.  

And then there is Clay.  The unexpected gift in our lives.  The one who we never thought we'd have.  Sometimes God works in very mysterious ways.  We thought just having one kid was going to be okay after the heartbreak we had endured.  But God knew our family wasn't going to be complete without Clay.  This little monster has the cutest laugh of anyone I know.  He can melt your heart with his smile and that dimple in his chin.  He's got a wild streak too, but I love his determination.  I'm so lucky to have him as my son and the baby of our family.

Lots of thoughts run through my head on days like today.  About how much I'm missing, but at the same time just how much I've been blessed with.  This life wasn't meant to be easy and it hasn't been for us.  But that makes the rewards so much sweeter when you have been through the pain.  Today I'm so thankful to have a mom who loves me unconditionally and to be a mom to my sweet baby girl and two rambunctious boys.  

We had a wonderful weekend filled with a trip to the zoo, some awesome home improvements done by Matt, breakfast out, a photography class, a visit to Braelyn's spot out at Lake Evergreen, and some mud puddle jumping.  I couldn't have asked for more.

For all of you mom's out there, I hope today was amazing for you.  I hope you were reminded of the very important role you play in the lives of your children.  For those missing their mom's on a day like today, I hope you were reminded of some very special memories the two of you shared.  For those who are still waiting desperately to become a mom, I pray that day will come very soon for you.  

I leave you with some pictures of my special weekend. 

My freshly painted front door - Thanks Matt! 

Sitting in Braelyn's spot at the lake

Sister Love

I hate that neither of my boys will ever meet their sister here on this Earth.  I'll never have a picture that includes all three of my kiddos together.  I'll never hear them interact with each other.  I'll never see my boys form a special bond with their big sister. 

But, their hearts are a bit more protected from the sting of death since they came after her.  They are sheltered from the grief that I felt so intensely after Braelyn died.  They have received a new kind of love from their mom, one that could only be formed after the death of a child who came before them. 

I've really struggled with knowing what to say to Cole (and someday when he understands more, Clay too) about his sister.  I decided that being open and honest will probably serve best in this situation.  I've been telling Cole for quite some time that he has a sister and that she died and lives in Heaven with Jesus.  He knows her name and frequently speaks of her.  We have a blanket that Braelyn was wrapped up in as we held her when she passed away.  Cole now sleeps with his sisters blanket and he knows it's special.

Just last week he told me on the car ride home from daycare that he was going to go to Heaven on Saturday to play tractors with Braelyn because he thinks she will like that.  My first thought was oh I hope he's not going to Heaven anytime soon because I couldn't bear to lose him.  But that thought was quickly followed by a sense of peace that he's already starting to grasp the concept of Heaven and also that he "knows" his sister. 

I have shown Cole pictures of Braelyn.  At first I was uncomfortable thinking about showing them to him because she was very tiny and hooked up to a lot of machines.  Not your typical baby picture.  I worried that maybe seeing the pictures would be too much for him.  But ultimately I decided that it may make it more real to him to see a physical picture of his sister.  He always tells me that when he sees Braelyn he will hold her and not drop her because she is a tiny baby.  He sometimes asks to see more pictures of her and I always show him when he asks.  It helps to open up the conversation for us.

A few weeks ago our sitter had to put her cat to sleep.  This cat was about 17 years old I think, and the boys loved him (even though I'm not too sure the cat had a mutual feeling)!  Obviously our sitter loved this dear cat and was very sad the day she had to have him put to sleep.  Cole and I talked about how this cat died but how he was in Heaven and it was a wonderful time for the cat, even though the people on Earth were sad.  A few days after this, Cole was at daycare and his sitter was explaining to another kid about how her cat had died and she was very sad.  Cole listened to the entire conversation and then gently put his hand on our sitters leg and told her that it was okay because his sister, Braelyn was taking care of him.  Makes me tear up just thinking about that sweet little boys heart and how he really is understanding what we talk about. 

There is definitely no protocol on how you are supposed to go about teaching your kids about death, Heaven, big sisters who they've never met, or angels.  But based on some of the conversations I've been having with Cole over the last few weeks I can see that he's beginning to understand.  He's listening and taking it all in.  My hope is that someday he can feel his sisters presence in his life and become a better person because of it.  I do pray that someday we are all joined together as a big happy family in Heaven. 

Have you had to talk to your kids about losing a sibling or another close family member?  What did you find to be beneficial in doing so?  I would love to find a book about Heaven that a 3 year old could understand and read it to him, but I haven't found one I love yet.  Any suggestions? 

This is a picture that Cole drew for me and he said its him holding Braelyn :o)