There are so many myths when it comes to grief. The three that I wanted to focus on are below.
Myth 1: You are young, at least you can have another baby. I heard this a few times after losing Braelyn. What people did not realize is that I really wasn't sure if I could have another baby or not. Braelyn was an IVF baby, which means that we already had trouble conceiving...and now I had trouble carrying a baby to full term too. Double whammy. I think this statement was a way of people saying don't worry, you'll have another baby and then forget the pain you feel from losing this one. Not true. Even though I have gone on over the last few years to have two beautiful baby boys, I still miss my daughter every day.
Myth 2: Friends will always be there for you in tough times. I found from my experience that the people who I thought would be there for me were actually the ones who became distant. I'm sure my life was now very hard for them to comprehend. And it was probably awkward and heavy to talk about the death of my child. It made me sad to think that if one of my friends experienced something hard, I knew I would make an effort to be there to support them, but they were not doing the same for me. The good that came out of this is that I made new friends. Ones who I would not have expected to come forward and be there for me. Friends who are still by my side today, even after 3 years have come and gone.
Myth 3: People saying things like "at least you can get a full nights rest because you don't have to get up in the middle of the night", "at least you don't have to listen to a whining toddler all day", or "at least you don't have to deal with a sick kid." There were more sayings than just these...but all were equally bad in my mind. I would have given anything in this world to be up six times in the middle of the night feeding my baby. I would have given anything in the world to have a toddler who whined all day. I would have given anything in the world to stay home from work with a sick child. I had a very hard time tolerating people around me complaining about their kids when I couldn't have the one thing I wanted so badly, my daughter. It's funny to me how such complaints seem to almost be small talk for a lot of parents, but how deeply those words can cut someone who has lost a child. I know that I am a more compassionate person after losing Braelyn. I do watch what words are coming out of my mouth when it comes to my children. I always remember that you are not guaranteed any amount of days here on Earth and I want to make the best of each day with my children.
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