Capture Your Grief: Day 7

Day 7:  You today

Today is Braelyn's 3rd birthday.  Seems ironic to think her birthday is in the same month as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Today is a beautiful sunny day, just like the day she was born.  We took the boys to the zoo in Peoria to celebrate their sister and how she affected our lives.  We had a great time and I'm so glad we have two precious boys to teach important lessons to about how we can be better people because of Braelyn.

The ride home from Peoria today was filled with memories of driving home from the hospital without the baby we went there with 3 years ago.  I remember sitting in the passenger seat wondering if the past 5 days had actually taken place or if it was all just a bad dream.  I remember thinking we have to plan a funeral and I don't know the first thing about where to start.  I remember thinking life couldn't get any worse and it certainly would take a lot to make it better.  But here I am...3 years later.  I am a fighter.  I am a survivor.  I am determined to make this world a better place because of the way a 23 week old baby touched my life.  I truly feel blessed.

In honor of Braelyn we made a few donations to people in need in our community.  I don't want to talk too much about them because we don't do it for any recognition.  All I will say is that it felt good to help others.  (I didn't feel like I could handle another 500 diapers this year with a newborn at home...so we went a different route :) )

The picture of the balloon above was taken by my mom.  She went to the grocery store two days ago and when she came home this Happy Birthday balloon was stuck in the bushes in the front of her house.  I'd like to think it was a sign from above.  A sign that it's okay to celebrate Braelyn's birthday and be happy all day.  It's okay to not be sad today.  And a sign that she is definitely in heaven watching over all of us.

(www.carlymarieprojectheal.com)